First post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/iMi4qVajP1
Thank you for the feedback to my original post. I took comfort in the fact that I was well within my rights to take Casper with me, and was determined to do that. A few comments, one in particular had stressed that I should make sure to do what’s best for Casper.
Despite our arguments I got the feeling my parents and sister (or my parents at least) had accepted that Casper would be coming with me. My dad had talked about how I should introduce him briefly to my fiance’s house in advance, so it seems like they had accepted it.
One thing that I had been asked to consider was who his person was. While as a kitten Casper was only bonded to me (especially when my parents were still against him) he is a family cat now. He’ll sometimes curl up on my bed when sleeping, sometimes on my sister’s. When my mom’s making food, he’ll sit as a loaf next to her on the counter while she goes over the recipe with him, and as far as laps go anyone is fair game for him. My mom will often hold him in her lap when she’s watching the news and talk to him about whats happening in the news. Whenever my dad goes to the meat shop, he especially gets liver for him too, which we boil and feed him. And my sister loves dressing him up which he does without resistance lol. So I just couldn’t say Casper was only bonded to me and not them. Nor could I say that I’m the only one who is bonded to him.
Its a bit unfair to my fiancé but what made me decide was when I was talking to him and he said we could make a cat door door for the cat when we move in. Its stupid to nitpick but I can’t remember the last time Casper was called the cat by us. And we don’t let him out, in fact we had called someone to make sure any holes or openings were all sealed.
So I’ve decided to leave Casper with my family. I think its best for him. I can’t imagine how it will feel to be without him, he’s my baby, and just typing this has gotten me crying but I’ll visit him every 2 days. I haven’t told my family yet in case I break and change my mind but I will tell them soon. Thank you.
That’s smart. It sounds like your fiancé’s heart is in the right place, but he’s still basically a stranger to Casper (and vice versa). Under the circumstances, it makes sense to leave Casper in his current home with multiple beloved family members rather than a huge disruption of a new home and new person to get used to (especially since you and your fiancé will hopefully be spending a lot of time focusing on each other)
Thanks. I’m so torn between wanting him to never forget me, but also not wanting him to miss me lol. But yeah, I know he’s going to be safe and loved here and that’s what matters in the end.
Cats don’t forget their people, even after years. Casper will remember you, and he’ll be excited every time he sees you again.
Solidly support this. My family cat would get excited and jump up onto my shoulder ever time I arrived at the house after i’d been moved out for years. They don’t forget their favourite people.
You made the best decision for him, and that makes you a great cat owner. Still sucks, but at least you know 💯 he’ll be happy.
I think you’re so kind to Casper to give him the situation that seems best in the home and with the people that are most familiar. I really hope that you get to have another kitty of your own in your new home one day!
I heard someone say recently that you trust someone when you believe they would be willing to do the hard thing for someone else’s sake (or otherwise for the right reasons). Even though it’s difficult, you are doing the right thing out of love. Moving can be really stressful for cats, even under the best circumstances. Casper deserves to stay in his happy home – he’s a lucky kitty to have so many people who love him. You’ll still be able to see him often, so hang onto that idea if you feel yourself start to waver. This is a big enough transition for you and your fiancé already. Probably best to wait until you’re more settled and have had a chance to discuss your expectations and values around pet ownership before introducing that as an element of your household. Good luck, and give Casper a pat for me!
I didn’t see your original post but good on you for looking at the bigger picture and doing what’s right for Casper, despite how hard it feels.
I went through the same, I got my cat when I was 17 but she bonded so much with my mum, hers was the only lap she’d sit on and would be her little shadow. When my mum passed away and I moved out at 26, I wanted to take her with me but my Dad was bonded with her and she was getting on in years, she’s given my Dad purpose and so she remained with him and I enjoy my visits home to see them when I can.
I read the original post, and while you are NTA regardless, I don’t think that you made a wrong decision to leave Casper with your family. While animals aren’t “replaceable” you can get a kitten, if you want, with your husband to be.
Honestly i think that is the best decision for him and by your sisters reaction she really loves him to. We are a dog family we have 5 when my middle daughter got her house she took her dog he loved it but we could tell he missed our other dogs. Hes now with us full time he couldn’t be without his best friends.
I did this with my dog. The idea was to take him when I moved out, but by that time he was so comfortable with my family and they loved him, so I left him with them. It was hard.
Once you are settled in your new place, adopt a kitten for both you and your fiance
Nothing says loving home like a doofy orange cat
It might be a good idea for you and your partner to adopt a cat. I had to leave my cat at my parents when I got married as I was moving overseas and while technically possible the strain would have been too much for her
In the last 21 years we have had three cats (though the first one ended up living with my in-laws as he had bonded more with my FIL then us when we lived with them)
But having a cat that belongs to your old family and a cat that belongs to your new one is probably better.
Make sure you and your partner are on the same page regarding indoor/outdoor cats though
Please feel at peace for knowing the Casper is in a loving home with people who are always there for him. Is a good chance that between your dad your mom and your sister he will never be alone, never wondering whether he’s secure.