I’m a man in my early 30s looking for perspective from other guys who’ve been through complicated emotional situations.
I was very close friends with a woman for several years. We trusted each other, supported each other through breakups, and talked almost daily at times. She’s been in a long-term relationship the entire time, but over the last few months she started opening up about how that relationship felt “dead” to her – emotionally distant, unsupportive, and something she was already mentally checking out of.
At some point, she crossed the line first. She kissed me, which turned into regular making out, long one-on-one hangouts, and eventually sex. It didn’t feel casual – there was a lot of closeness, affection, and emotional intimacy. I didn’t push her to leave her relationship, and I didn’t chase this dynamic at first. I was honestly cautious.
Then things got more complicated. She told me (and said I was the only one who knew) that she had also been emotionally involved with another guy outside her relationship. She started talking about him a lot – comparing us, sharing details about how attached she felt to him, and how intense that connection was. Over time, it started to feel like I was filling a void while that guy was unavailable.
At the same time, I noticed patterns that started to hurt:
Plans being canceled or shifted last minute
My time not really being respected
Being pulled close emotionally, then kept at arm’s length
Feeling like comfort and safety, but not a real choice
I realized I was getting attached, so I finally said something. I told her I couldn’t continue like this – hearing about other men, being half-in, half-out, and not knowing where I stood. I asked for more quality time and clarity.
She was honest and said she couldn’t offer me more right now. She said she was lost, needed time alone, and shouldn’t be getting into anything with anyone. I took that as rejection.
As much as it hurt, I decided to walk away completely. I told her I needed distance to protect myself and that she probably wouldn’t be hearing from me anymore. We ended things calmly, but it still feels brutal to lose someone who mattered a lot to me.
Now I’m left questioning myself:
Did I read the situation wrong and expect too much?
Was I being used as emotional support while she was attached to someone else?
Or was walking away the only self-respecting move once I realized I was getting attached?
I’m not trying to villainize her – I know she’s confused – but I also know this situation was hurting me.
Looking for perspective:
For these who’ve been in similar situations – was cutting contact the right call here, or is there a better way to handle something like this without blowing up a long friendship?
I think you did the right thing… you have to put yourself first… if you can’t be the best version of you then she won’t be getting the best version of you when you’re with her
What I’ve learnt is that you can’t save everyone and sometimes they have save themselves first
Yes you did the right thing. l had a similar situation I’m married though and me and a woman became close in one week just talking. I told her if it’s going to end the sooner the better for both of us. We both knew it was wrong that we started getting feelings. It does hurt. You did the right thing.
Villainize her all you want. Not sure you are going to find many other guys in this situation tho. But she was in a LTR, you started fucking, and then she started fucking other guys while telling you about them?
Dude. You’re better than this.
++man I mean she still is in a LTR. And she started fucking the other guy before she started fucking me (which I had no idea until she confesed).
No he isn’t. He knew. It’s exactly where his morals and integrity is.
I’ve been in a somewhat similar situation. Though more breadcrumbs than anything else. After our divorce.
I would’ve cut contact completely if it weren’t for us co-parenting together. Fortunately some years have already passed and I’m not reacting to her actions and talk anymore. And won’t initiate any confused dialogue with her anymore. She can work on herself, by herself, before I’m going to budge anywhere.
For you, though, I’d say you made the right decision. She will come to you at some point, if you really mattered to her.
I’m the guy women cheated with, and this sounds like the typical woman looking for excitement.
and like most women, they want attention, validation from as many sources as they can. especially when they find it in an emotional tampon.
at least you stood up for yourself and not let her keep using you like a tampon.
Good luck karma is a b***h and on will get your for getting involved with a woman jn a relationship. You got what you deserved by her playing you. Imagine trusting her in a relationship. You sound like you would have 😂
she wasnt looking for mr right. she was looking for mister right now. and you filled the void for her.
she was treating you like friends with benifits. knowing she still had an option of other people.
you saw it for what it was. it was a physical connection not a emotional one.
If you hadn’t already, get tested for everything, since she’s riding the wild pony with many guys. Secondly, can you seriously trust someone who’s cheating a ltr partner? If you’re looking for quick sex then fine. Something more personal, she’s not it as she’s racking up a high body count and you’re just one of many who she’s going to potentially take down later.
She is not emotionally available, ultimately, which is painful bc those types of people tend to be the best at pretending they are. Once there is real closeness or the other person expresses real feelings they flee.
You did the right thing. Trust the pattern not the person.
You did the right thing. She wasn’t available, you were getting attached, and the situation was hurting you. Walking away was the only self-respecting move.
You were wrong to start something with her while knowing she is still in relationship even if it is an LTR. On the other hand at least you did the right thing to walk away when you found out that there is a third person involved.
That friendship is gone, you cannot save it. She is unable to have a real relationship, so that is also not an option, just move on with your life and forget her. Perhaps next time don’t mess with cheaters.
Have you ever heard the phrase “The same way you get them is the same way you lose them” She cheated with you so could you reasonably expect her to faithful to you? If you truly couldn’t stay plutonic then yes you did the right thing by walking away