So to cut a long story short, my dad has planned a family vacation for my (23F) siblings and I. I have two siblings who are also in their 20s, along with one half brother who just turned 10, and I absolutely adore. My dad and half-brother live in a different state, having moved away when I was a teenager, and yes, this has caused some tension between myself and the older siblings and my dad in the past. My dad divorced his second wife (my half brother’s mother), and since then has been a little all over the place when it comes to relationships. He had a lot of short-term relationships, and one longer one that when it ended, he kind of went off the rails after. That was at the start of this year. Since then, he went on vacation overseas, and met a woman while he was there. Since then, he’s made multiple trips back to see her, and she’s come to visit him a few times as well. I’ve never met her in person, though have talked to her over the phone once. She seems nice enough, but I haven’t felt particularly inclined to get to know her – I’m glad that she makes my dad happy, but I also don’t see any way that this is going to end happily for those involved.
So a few months ago, my dad came to my siblings and I and asked if we’d be interested in going on vacation to the country she lives in, with him offering to cover flights and accommodations. I was excited at the idea, especially as I’ve never gone on a family vacation with my youngest sibling before.
The problem that’s come up is that a few days ago, when I chased him up, he let us know that for just under a week the plan was to stay at her home – with her mother and two other children, in a four-bedroom house. On top of staying with total strangers, it also means sharing a bed with my 20+ year old siblings. I didn’t say anything at the time, but was not overly thrilled at the idea. I ended up looking online for other places to stay for my siblings and I in the same town. There are a lot of options around that are well within our own ability to pay for, but as we’re there in the new years period, a lot of these places are booking out fast.
I floated the idea with my dad today that if the house was crowded, then we could look for other places to stay. He shut it down hard, saying that he wanted to spend time with us as it’s a family vacation, and if we stayed somewhere else then he wouldn’t get to see us. I expressed that I wasn’t very comfortable staying in a house with people I’ve never met, and he told me that I could suck it up, and if I didn’t like it then I could just not go.
I’m well aware that I’m coming across as ungrateful, but I’m also not comfortable with the idea of staying with a woman whom my dad hasn’t even put a label on his relationship with. At the moment, I’m contemplating booking a refundable room nearby while I still can, and bringing it up with my dad and siblings at a later date.
So, WIBTA for doing so, and AITA for having a problem with it to begin with?
NTA personally as an introvert I wouldn’t fly overseas and go stay in the home of some stranger one of my parents is dating, I would fly over there if it was their wedding tho, even then I’d rent a hotel for my stay.
Speak to your siblings & see if they are in agreement with you about staying somewhere else. If so you can approach your father again. If his attitude is still the same – if you didn’t like it then you could just not go – point out to him that if none of his children are going then it won’t be a “family vacation”.
NTA
Three adults sharing the same bed? No thanks.
Its a vacation and you should be comfortable so staying somewhere else with more room but still being able to do all the family related stuff is fine.
NTA. Seems like a weird reaction from your Dad, you would think if he was actually concerned about spending time with you then he would be fine (if disappointed) with an alternative arrangement, not straight up tell you not to go at all. How much of the total vacation is intended to be spent at his partner’s house? Also does his partner’s family know how many guests he is intending to bring with him?
NTA, sounds like your dad has missed the memo that you are all adults now.
That is not how you “cut a long story short.”
NTA
“I’m well aware that I’m coming across as ungrateful” – The fuck you are!! haha!! You are NOT being “ungrateful”. You are using common sense. I can’t think of any adults on planet earth that would be on board with this plan your dad has. I’d be all set with meeting complete strangers while staying as a guest in their house. Not only would I not be down for that, I’d especially be clocking a hot “fuck that” to sleeping in the same bed as by brother/sister.
There’s NOTHING wrong with you and your siblings getting a place to stay while you’re there. If your dad is set firm on this “don’t go if you don’t like it”, I’d be saying “Cool, have a great time!! See ya when you get back!!”
No this is a terrible idea all around. I would decline this vacation. Your dad is a terrible decision maker and role model. Don’t put yourself in a situation that will make you uncomfortable in a foreign country!! These people are strangers. Sounds like a nightmare “vacation” to me. I’d stay home.
NTA. Your dad should be happy you are all willing to come at all not setting demands on whether or not you do. Not wanting to share a space with strangers is PERFECTLY REASONABLE. Your dad is an AH and I am baffled by the dichotomy of you have to stay here because I want to spend time with you / if you don’t like that then don’t come. Honestly I would be inclined to go on a completely different holiday with all the siblings to a different country.
It’s a very weird argument to say “I want to spend time with you” in one breath and then “just don’t come” in the next. So which one is it, OP’s dad? Sounds like he is more concerned with forcing you into spending time with his newest fling than actually spending time with you himself. He also sounds like a complete baby who can’t handle not getting his way.
NTA You are grown enough to be able to NOT stay with strangers just because dad wants to for whatever reason.
That’s exactly what I thought! It’s all so conditional. I want to spend time with you but only if it’s my design. Please.
OP, nta. 9 strangers in a house sounds awful. Book the room.
NTA. I think it’s time for all of you to sit down and state boundaries and the fact that you’re all adults and not sharing a bed. Your dad needs to understand that all of you are adults. If he wants family time together then why stay at a woman’s home that is of no relation?
Have you spoken to your older siblings about how this makes you or even them feel?
NTA…you’re not ungrateful. You’re just trying to avoid the nightmare he’s creating. I simply wouldn’t go. I can’t imagine this woman is thrilled with having five guests to host.
As a single father of a 10 year old I’d say he needs to put this serial dating on hold and just concentrate on being a better father and role model.