My BF and I rent a small house together. He rents the upstairs suite, and I rent the downstairs suite.
A few years ago, our friend Justin needed a place to stay. BF did not have an extra bedroom, but I did. Since then, Justin has rented my extra bedroom. We all get a good deal on rent.
Before Justin moved in, the downstairs shower was a haven for me. I am autistic, and the exact water pressure and tub height was a great place to go when I felt overwhelmed by everyday sensory overload.
Soon after Justin moved in, I noticed boogers stuck to various surfaces in the bathroom. Tile walls, the bathtub, the sink, the shower curtain. I could not use the space. It didn’t feel okay.
I asked Justin to clean them up, and asked him to not leave boogers in our shared spaces. Justin apologized, cleaned them up, and said it wouldn’t happen again.
No more than a week after this, it happened again. And again. Justin would say and do the right things in the moment, but his boogers always returned.
Since my pleas with Justin were going nowhere, I asked my BF to help talk to him.
The first time my BF talked to Justin, he told me Justin says "sorry", that he will clean it up and it won’t happen again. Exact same as when I asked.
The next time it happened, Justin said he feels too "put on the spot" by these conversations. So we agreed that I would write him a letter, and we could discuss the letter in the next day or two when he is ready.
I wrote the letter, and got BF’s feedback to ensure there was 0 exaggeration or unfair characterization of the situation. In the letter, I wrote that I am not willing to give any further chances, that he will have to move out if he does this again.
For 4 to 5 days following the letter, Justin brought ladies home with him so we couldn’t talk.
Finally, we had our discussion. BF, Justin, and I were there. Justin said he didn’t realize it was this bad. He showed me how he had cleaned the bathroom and the shower. He had cleaned, and the boogers were gone. It wasn’t the best cleaning job, but I appreciated the effort.
Justin put in a good effort for the following few weeks. He cleaned up after himself better and there were no boogers.
For Christmas, Justin got me a new very nice shower head and a shower-related gift set. He said he wanted to help me re-enjoy and reclaim the shower. It was a thoughtful gift. I was hopeful.
Now Justin is away on a 2-week work trip. I went downstairs to double check if things were ready to install the new shower head. Right on the very front edge of the shower curtain is a HUGE blood booger.
I told my BF that I am going to give Justin a move-out date. He said that might not even be Justin’s booger, and that I should really consider not acting so drastically over a minor issue.
I’m out of patience and energy for this, and just want my space and peace back.
WIBTA if I give Justin a move-out date?
well if it’s not Justin’s, whose is it???? He’s gotta go. NTA
I’d have kicked him out after the first reappearance do not let him continue ruining your space. This is legitimately abhorrent
NTA. He knows what he’s doing.
If my place to stay relied on having a clean bathroom I’d tour that thing with a Clorox wipe every morning, every time I walked out the door, and It’d get scoured before bed. Every. Day.
NTA. No reason in the world for him to leave boogers around. He has to go!
NTA. You have been more than reasonable about this, and him giving you gifts and stating he wants to help you reclaim shower space does not give him a free pass to cross your (very clear) boundary. It’s time for Justin to find somewhere else to wipe his boogers.
That is so disgusting and disrespectful. I’d say you’ve actually been too nice to him. If Justin was my roommate, he would’ve been out AGES ago. He needs to grow up and fix this nasty habit.
NTA.
Justin has got to go.
Your bathroom is not the time or place for his pick and flick adventures, and the nose nuggets are clearly not nuggets of wisdom.
It seems like Justin and your bf are using your autism to manipulate you. You are very much underreacting. Your tone and how you worded it was never the problem. Telling him one time was enough. Them making you write a letter was ridiculous. And your bf is not on your side, at all.
NTA. I am not autistic and cannot stand the thought of boogers.
I’m sorry, is Justin 6?
NTA
This is gross. And the reality is, there are likely boogers hiding all over the place, not just the bathroom. I’d move forward with formal eviction. Of course, consult the laws for your area to ensure you’re doing things properly. For instance, is he on the lease? This could provide problematic.
You also have a boyfriend problem. He is starting to try to manipulate you into believing that this booger isn’t Justin’s. Well, whose does he think it is then? Clearly he’s trying to make you think the booger was left there by you.
There are only 3 options remaining.
1. Your boyfriend switch apartments with you. He lives with Justin in the 2-bedroom and you take your boyfriend’s place.
2. Your boyfriend moves into your space with you and Justin moves into your boyfriend’s newly empty space.
3. You dump your boyfriend for supporting Justin’s unhygienic habit and trying to manipulate/gaslight you regarding whose boogers these are and you move out.
I had to check and make sure this wasn’t an “am I the angel” post 😂
Justin is gross. Grown man still picks his boogers and dosnt have the decency to rinse them down the sink?? Leaves the evidence behind?
I would have confronted him about it in front of one of his “girls” he brought home. A healthy dose of embarrassment might have solved the issue.
NTA