So things to know first: I live with my grandparents right now (reasons why are irrelevant) and my grandfather (we’ll call him Tony) currently takes care of his mom (we’ll call her grandma). So he doesn’t feel comfortable giving her a bath himself but he didn’t get her a bath aid until last month-ish but there was an wait and the aid is coming tomorrow. Grandma hasn’t had an actual shower in god knows how long as her definition of a shower is letting water run over her.
Tony told me before going to bed that the shower aid comes tomorrow sometime which is great cause she stinks. The problem is she doesn’t have anything to bathe with. i guess they expect me to let her use my stuff but I have extremely curly hair that requires specific shampoo and conditioner. Like we’re talking over $30 a bottle and I have a tight budget rn and my family knows about my financial situation and how expensive my stuff is. So after they went to bed I went to the bathroom and brought all my stuff that I bought/buy and brought it to my room. Theres /nothing/ left in there; not even a bar of soap (the only bar of soap I use is for down there and I’m not sharing that). I told Tony when he first mentioned getting her an aid that she doesn’t have anything soap, shampoo, etc. and he said he’ll get her some before the aid comes. He hasn’t.
so am I going to be/am I the AH for not leaving my products in the bathroom knowing she doesn’t have anything to bathe with?
update of other things I keep seeing in the comments:
1) yes my grandmother (Tony’s wife we’ll call Connie) and Tony shower so I’m hoping when he sees I moved my stuff he’ll either go buy her something or share his
2) I pay rent to live there tho not a lot ($100 a month) as I only make $600ish a month and my car insurance is $400. I help out around the house to make up for not paying as much but from the beginning they knew I wouldn’t help with grandma due to issues from the past (her threatening to kill me and Connie, calling me a whore for going on a date with my bf at the time, etc.)
3) I live with them because I was escaping an abusive relationship in a different state that led to me being pregnant. they’re also helping me with figuring out finances like saving and budgeting
YTA
C’mon. Surely you can leave the shampoo and soap in the bathroom for the first visit with the aid and remind Tony to get the shampoo and soap for next time. You may think the reason you’re living with your grandparents is irrelevant but I don’t. You live with them, they give you food and shelter and protection and you can’t even provide shampoo and soap for your great grandmother. That’s pretty cold. You’re an AH.
YTA. Technically its your shit. Do with it what you want. But your attitude smells worse than Grandma does.
Are you paying rent to live in her house?
If yes, you’re an AH
If no, you’re a massive AH
Personally I would make him pay you back for your stuff because grandma needs a good bath. Even if you only leave it out for her once, it’s not going to cost you that much. Kindness doesn’t kill. NTA but it is pretty petty. If this were an everyday use kinda situation it wouldn’t be petty at all though.
Esh. Grandma hasn’t had an actual shower in gods know how long and your more concerned about the fact your shampoo cost $30? she finally has a chance to gain some hygiene (since no one in the house will help) and you can’t help with some products? I hope the home health aid reports your household for elderly neglect
YTA, this would be a one time thing wouldn’t it? Unless they tend to just… take/ expect you to give up your belongings often leave at least a soap and shampoo for the poor smelly lady. Hit a pharmacy and pick up what she needs and give Tony the bill to avoid another “whoops “forgot” to buy it!” down the road.
Yes yta if you silently let the health aid come and find there’s no hygiene products. Remind Tony. Go to the dollar store or a grocery store yourself. Do not contribute to the neglect of an elderly person.
Yta such a heartless person. You want everyone to help you and be understanding but you have no compassion for anyone else.
YWBTA.
Soft yta yes but can you atleast put Tony’s stuff in there for her ? Like she needs some kind of soap surely he must have some kind of soap of his own. Or ask a neighbor?
I’d go get grandma so brand new soap and shampoo myself! What is wrong with you?!
yta, why is this the hill you are choosing to die on? you’d rather, what, grandma go without a proper shower for longer? get her some soap yourself or let her use it once, it won’t kill you.
How old are you? (I’m guessing pretty young if you use the phrase “down there.”).
What doesn’t ring true in this story is that you live with your grandparents and they don’t have any soap and shampoo for your great grandma. Your grandfather doesn’t take showers? Even if he doesn’t have hair on his head, he should at least have a bar of soap.
And if, by some stretch of the imagination, your grandfather doesn’t use soap and shampoo, once you realized your grandfather hasn’t actually gotten the supplies, you should be willing to go out and spend $5 on a bar of dove and a bottle of suave to help make sure you great grandma can be clean. Or just ask Tony for the $5 and offer to go pick it up.
At the very least, YTA for your unwillingness to help your great grandma with either some new supplies or even a single squeeze of your shampoo.