For the past year or so, I have been sending my dad money from my savings whenever he needed it for something, but it was always valid reasons (like paying off his car, paying for gas to come see me or to go see my little sister, sometimes groceries etc.)
Anyways, I recently got about $200 in the mail from taxes, and I wanted to tell my dad because, hey I was happy! My first time doing something as an adult lol.
But I’m gonna be honest, I want that money to go back into my savings as it’s all gone now (mostly because I helped both my parents with money problems) and I have a reallyyy hard time saying no to my dad, so I know if he asks, I would do it in a heartbeat. I love him so much but it genuinely makes me feel sick whenever I hit send for money to my dad.
Anyways, wibta if I kept the news to myself?
**NTA.** You’re not obligated to disclose every bit of money you receive, especially if you’re already struggling to rebuild your savings.
It sounds like you’ve been very generous with your dad over the past year, and helping family is great, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of your own financial stability.
Wanting to keep $200 in your savings after already helping both of your parents doesn’t make you selfish. It just means you’re trying to build a little safety net for yourself.
NTA your dad needs to manage his money and not count on you as a source of income. If you keep giving away all your money you’ll be in bad financial shape just like him.
YWNBTA. Set boundaries. Now. And stick to them. It’s not your job to take care of them financially. You’re enabling their behavior. You have to put a stop to this now, or it will never end. The first “no” is the hardest. And don’t let them guilt trip you.
The more you disclose your financial situation the more he’ll ask. It’s not your responsibility to fix someone’s finances.
NTA. Why are you paying off your dad’s car? Why isn’t he paying his expenses? Why isn’t he paying *your* expenses? You sound like a teenager. He doesn’t own your money. He is obligated to support you as a minor. This sounds like financial abuse.
NTA you are not responsible for your dad’s finances, and you need to be planning to be financially sound so you don’t end up in the same boat.
NTA why are your parents having financial difficulties? Are they still able to work, or what’s going on that you’re sending your dad money all the time? Maybe you need to sit down with him and look at his budget, he might be spending on things you’re unaware of.
No one else is entitled to know your finances but you, and it’s important that you have savings and an emergency fund for yourself.
You need to start doing this more often, sadly. Your parents are obviously not good with money and will continue to use you as their ATM. Only give what you reasonably can afford.
NTA but we also need more info – are you completely independent? If so, you don’t need to be telling Dad anything at all. And if you are, how long could you survive if you were suddenly unable to work for a time (illness, accident, laid off etc) you need to have a cushion for life’s mishaps yourself as it’s clear you wouldn’t be able to fall back on your parents. Say nothing about your taxes refund and next time Dad asks for money, unless it’s actually for food, tell him you can’t afford it this month so his car will have to wait for repairs and he wont’ be able to visit you or your sister until he can afford the costs of gas etc himself.
Start to make his poor financial situation impact HIM instead of being a license to spend YOUR money
If however, he’s struggling cos he’s semi supporting you through school or whatever then yes, if you have a little bit of money you weren’t expecting, you should let him know so he can keep a little of what he’s spending on you for himself.
NTA. IS there something that’s preventing your father from working? Why are you subsidizing him?
I think you should Not tell your father about the money. I also think you should talk with your father about taking more responsibility for his own life.
NTA. Stop treating your dad like your child.
Of course NTA, this sounds like an extremely unhealthy situation for you
YWNBTA Too many problems come from sharing your financial information. Please never tell anyone when you get a raise or a bonus. If your father asks about your tax return be vague: Never as much as one wants, am I right? Disappeared before I knew it.
Never have to tell him where it disappeared to!
My dad cannot work due to a work injury, he gets money from the government but it’s not reliable due to their inconsistency to send him the proper amount, and at the proper time/day, that is why I would send him money when he asked! (It was not an everyweek thing when he’d ask, it’d really be only when he needed it!)
I’m so sorry I didn’t think I had to add it but I see now I should have 😭