Hi, I’m a 23F, i live in an apartment complex and have a doorman who watches the front desk for security reasons. Usually, I like to go out in the morning for my cup of coffee down the street. Mind you I’m in college, and in between jobs doing freelancing, so moneys very tight for me. But I still offer coffee for the front guard every so often when I feel generous/ or I wanna share the extra $20 I have. But recently I noticed, every time either I don’t offer him coffee or buy it for him, he just isn’t friendly and kinda scowls at me. I mean, I would totally offer him coffee all the time if I could but I just can’t. And I know yeah, coffee is a waste of money, but it’s the only thing I spend money on and I consider self care, it’s a reason for me to get up in the morning. But yeah, I mean, all this kinda has turned me off from the idea of offering to buy and pay for his coffee anymore, because it makes me feel really bad when I can’t afford it. So WIBTA if I just stopped doing this?
Edit 1: I go to state school, but I try to take as many classes online to cut commute costs since i dont have a car and no dorm= wayyyy less tuition, even tho my parents help with it. And also, for added detail, I’ve lived here for maybe 1.5 years and he’s 60ish and married.
Sounds like someone isn’t going to get coffee at all anymore. NTA. It’s a gift, not something he’s entitled to.
Girl what???? It was nice you’re doing it for so long!!! He is & was ungrateful.
NTA — don’t spend your money on rude ppl.
Is it possible you’re imagining his change in attitude?
Def NTA, you’re not obligated to b by coffee for anyone else ever let alone everyday
NTA
You are not obliged to get anyone coffee.
NTA, you are not the coffee fairy. If you feel like you need to supply him coffee, buy a percolator and brew him a 50 cent cup in your apartment and give him that.
If I had to guess, I’d say you’re imagining his negative reactions because you feel guilty for not getting him coffee.
Nta I recommend not doing it anymore because he might view it as flirting.
Have a conversation. Say hey, I really enjoy buying you coffee when my budget allows, but when I can’t afford it I would be more than happy to bring back whatever you want if you give me your $ on my way out. That puts it on him to not receive coffee.
Edit to add NTA
I don’t think any one is the asshole here – you’re free to do whatever, and he doesn’t have to always be overly friendly at work. He might just put on an extra show when you do go out of your way to give it to him and the rest of the time he’s just like the rest of us, bored and watching the clock. He didn’t say anything – you may be reading too much into it here.
Don’t buy random men anything.
Louder
NTA: The first time he scowled at me would be the last time I would go above and beyond for him (unless he apologised).