My friend (F25) and me (M25) have known each other since we were in elementary school. We went up to the cottage together a little while ago with her parents. She’s an only child so we spent most of our time together there, and we were supposed to drive back the next day.
My friend has a dog which is not fixed and has a loud bark. I was having some sleeping problems back then so I didn’t really sleep that night. My friend asked if I wanted to come with her and her parents in town the next day, and I told her I was too tired and I’d stay behind (and hopefully take a nap). But the dog. The dog kept being a dog and staring at nothing out the window and barking. It kept jumping on me/the couch and just when I would start dozing off it would jump off and go stare at something and bark at it. I was so tired but it kept me in this limbo awful state of just constantly being jerked awake.
My friend eats meat but is really sensitive to the rights and wants of animals and treats them as quasi-human beings. It’s the reason why the dog kind of does whatever, because it’s encouraged by my friend who wants to him to live a normal life. So when she came back and told me that we’re going home, all I was thinking of was catching some shut eye in the 3 hour drive. We finish packing outside and dumped all our stuff in the backseats. I go up to the front and see her dog. So I call its name so that it would go towards me and I would place him in the back.
“Oh no” my friend says. “Can you leave him up here? He likes to be close to me”
“Uhm, sure…where am I supposed to sit?”
“Hmmm, idk. Can you like sit in the back? He doesn’t like being away from me and he’s going to try and stick his nose up here the whole time”
I’m really tall. There was theoretically room. Could I have sat in the back? It was physically possible if curled up and compressed myself but it wasn’t what I would call a humane ride back home. So we eventually agreed I would sit in front with the dog.
It kept pushing my leg to the side/closed while I was up there sitting. I was constantly being jerked awake once again. I told my friend before that maybe it wouldn’t be comfortable for both of us to be up front.
“I mean…did you maybe wanna go back with my parents?”
I chose to go with her and in addition to the ride going the way it did, the ball socket joint in my hip literally ached for days afterward because the dog kept pushing it into unnatural positions.
I kind of got mad. Why are you prioritizing your dog’s well being over your best friends? If I were to insist to have the front seat to myself, she would be unusually upset and feel that what I asked for is egregiously wrong and boundary-crossing.
At the same time I feel unbelievably betrayed and angry that she would even consider her dog’s superfluous joy over my (a human) basic comfort.
So would I be the asshole if I asked my friend to sit in the front seat alone (or occupy any space for that matter), with no dog the next time?
INFO for a person of regular height: How is having the entire backseat to yourself less space than having half of the front of the car? The front seats move up to accommodate long legs in the back just as they move back to accommodate long legs in the front right?
WYBTA? Unfortunately yes. Getting revenge is always a bigger dick move. Was your friend a complete A-hole for doing this – I’d say yes. Of course it is ridiculous to priotise your dogs wishes over your friends. But the way to do it is just to tell them, ideally should have stuck your ground at the time.
This person is never going to prioritize anything but her perception of a dog’s “natural” behaviors. Sorry. Someone like this will not even be willing to train the dog not to hurt you. So YWNBTA to *ask* but be prepared not to get anywhere with it.
Spot on. Some folks treat “natural dog behavior” like it’s untouchable law. A little training goes a long way everyone (including the dog) ends up happier and less jerked around
NTA. Dog people can be the worst. Some are completely oblivious to their dog’s behavior and refuse to train them properly. Those types shouldn’t be pet owners.
HOWEVER, you need to speak up for yourself.
You can make a simple decision to not travel with that friend and dog, if you choose to subject yourself to that type of treatment then, you get what you get. Don’t agree to ride with them in the future and instead drive yourself or make other transportation plans. If asked why you won’t ride with them, tell them and let them decide if they want your company or if the dog is enough for them on the trip. NTA.
The dog means more to them than you, do with that as you will.
ESH.
You are being extremely dramatic. It’s a couple nights of lack of sleep and a three hour car ride. You even had an out to go with her parents instead. You didn’t ask if it was alright to sleep in a side room. You did nothing but barely state your needs and complain.
She didn’t read how crappy you felt and didn’t control her dog at all.
Speak up next time and stop taking it so personally. Have you even brought this up with your friend? You consider them a friend right?
The zero problem-solving all around is interesting.
INFO: Why didn’t you just push the front seat forward, and make lots of room for you in the back seat? It’s not like the dog needs to stretch its legs.
I would literally never ride with this friend anywhere again 😆
YTA for being overdramatic about the whole thing
It’s too late now, you’re already home. Next time use your voice
NTA I don’t even want friends with dogs anymore.
ESH. Out of the three of you, two are a pushover and one is a dog.