My sister (19) and I (21M) already have a pretty rocky relationship, and I’m not going to sugarcoat it. We bicker and argue over small things more often than not, and I don’t want to have an argument with her over what I’m going to share.
Recently, I found out that she’s no longer friends with some of our mutual friends. I didn’t ask her about it, because she has a habit of talking badly about them behind their backs and doesn’t seem to care when I tell her I think that’s rude and inappropriate (yes, I’ve told our friends before, and no, they didn’t initially believe me). So I asked one of the mutual friends what happened. I know they’re not completely neutral, but there isn’t really anyone else to ask. He told me it was over a recent situation with him, plus a separate incident where she stole his wallet.
Here’s where I might be the asshole: Since then, my sister has been really focused on all of this, posting about it constantly. I know because I check her social media from time to time. I get that she’s allowed to feel upset about the friendships ending, and I can’t tell her how to feel. But the way she’s handling it feels immature. It’s embarrassing for her, even if she doesn’t realize it, and it’s stressful for me too because it reflects on me by association. I just want her to realize that she’s an adult and that her actions are seen differently than they would have been when she was younger. Would I be the asshole if I had that uncomfortable conversation with her?
YTA
She’s an adult and can act immaturely if she wants to. My advice would be to worry about yourself and your side of the street. Sometimes the most mature thing you can do is distance yourself from any drama. It isn’t your job to parent her
Don’t bother. She won’t listen.
Your situation doesn’t make sense.
If your sister is making posts about this nonsense, then she’s aware of it and there’s no need to tell her.
If the other friend wants his wallet back, he’s an adult and can deal with it.
You’ll find life easier and more enjoyable if you stay out of gossip that doesn’t involve you. YWBTA.
Do you think she’d actually listen to you or would it cause her to double down and embarrass herself further? Why do *you* want to tell her, as opposed to someone else? Someone she’d be more likely to listen to? What is the ideal result and reaction you’d like to see?
You don’t have to answer here, I just think you should ask yourself these questions. Unfortunately, I think a lot of people only learn these kinds of lessons the hard way, especially when they’re young. So it might not matter what you do. But if you believe you have good intentions and that she is likely to listen to you, go for it. That’s what siblings are for! If not, maybe find someone else? I’m not sure I’d want to call you TA either way. I have both a big brother and a little brother, so I can understand both sides lol.
NTA for being upset at the drama, especially if it’s affecting you, *but* YTA if you involve yourself in it. Rise above, it’s the only way to come out of this mud-fight clean.
Leave your sister to figure out her stuff. Like you said, she’s an adult. She needs to act like one.
YTA.
Unfortunately she’s not going to listen to anything you have to say, especially if you guys don’t get along and don’t lean on each other in the first place. The only reason YTA is because it’s none of your business and it actually doesn’t reflect on you unless you’re actively backing her. You can still be kind and not shit talk her but don’t involve yourself. Everyone grows at their own pace and she’s going through some rough growing pains. You’re gonna have to just let it ride.
YTA You dont care that she’s embarassing yourself. You’re upset she’s embarassing ypu. You should either actually help her by giving her some constructive advice and someone to talk to privately about her feelings, or just distance yourself from her because shes messy and you dont want to be associated with her.
YTA You should do her and yourself a favor and change your mindset. Things you find embarrassing aren’t everyone else’s problem. You already don’t like her and have no good relationship to think you can control or “guide” her as she likely hates things you do too. Nothing she does is “reflecting” on you by association, you’re just too concerned with being controlling
How does this work. you make money for posting BS
Disagreeing with your sister’s approach to things is perfectly fine but having the “uncomfortable conversation” with her is entirely about you wanting her to change for your own convenience.
Unless she’s coming to you asking for advice on the topic you are just inserting yourself into a situation that has nothing to do with you bar you being close to the drama because of your mutual relationships.
It’s unlikely she will listen if you offer her your perspective on it unprovoked.
Live your life, not your sister’s.
checking up on her social media, telling her friends things she might’ve told you in private.. you seem to be developing an obsession with your sister and how she’s choosing to live her own life? she’s a (young) adult, let her learn. it’s not going to seem like you’re looking out for her, just yourself.
YTA. You’re a 21 year old adult. How in the hell are your sisters actions reflections on you. You’re both adults with separate relationships with these people. You shouldn’t be reporting back to them and you shouldn’t be monitoring her socials. Stay out of it. Just focus on your relationships and stay out of hers.