I (27f) invited my friend and roommate (24f) to a music festival. I asked her a few months ago while she was going through a breakup, because I thought it would be a cool experience for her since she’s never been to one. The festival is set to happen this summer, and I usually go with a group she doesn’t know too well, so we invited a mutual friend to come along, too. Her ex treated her pretty poorly and was quite jealous, so she made some comments about how he would have never let her go to a festival if they were still together.
Fast forward, she starts seeing the ex again. They are really only hooking up at this point, and she promised me I have nothing to worry about. He showed up to our NYE party uninvited and elevated. I expressed to my friend I wasn’t happy with his presence, and she didn’t do anything. Since then, we’ve talked about it a few times but she’s been going to his house more and more, and before she turned her location off, I noticed they were going on their weekly dates again. When she’s home, she’s doesn’t say mix and stays in her room. Things have just been weird, and not very best friendly.
A mutual friend of ours texted me a few days ago and told me my roommate and her ex were back together, and she was supposed to talk to me weeks ago about it. I’m upset that she’s keeping this from me, and if things don’t change things will only get more awkward between us. I don’t want that energy at the festival, so would I be the asshole if I told her to make other camping arrangements?
YWBTA. Just have an actual conversation and ask her if she still wants to go!
What a strange post.
You call her your “friend and roommate”. You disapprove of her relationship with her boyfriend. Maybe you’re justified in your dislike of him, or maybe you’re not.
But the fact is, you don’t have the right to interfere in their relationship, whether on again or off again, whether just a hookup or something more serious, because it’s none of your business.
I presume this NYE party was held at your home. You told her you weren’t happy with his presence. You’re certainly allowed to choose not to spend time with him. But you’re in very sticky territory trying to banish him from your home altogether, because *it’s her home too*.
You say she’s now keeping to her bedroom when she’s at home, and “things have just been weird”. So it doesn’t sound like the roommate thing is working out real well between you, let alone the friendship thing.
With all of that going on, you seriously think your biggest dilemma is a music festival that is still a few months away? That presumably you haven’t even bought tickets for yet, or booked accommodation?
I think you need to get your priorities straight.
You need to sit down with your roommate, work out whether you are still friends at all, and decide whether you can sufficiently tolerate each other, and each other’s partner(s), to enable you both to keep on sharing a home, or whether it’s just too awkward and one of you should find somewhere else to live.
I’m not going to give an AITA verdict because I think your question is just bizarre. Sort out your priorities, deal with your bigger problems, and the music festival issue should take care of itself. You will either still be friends and both want each other to be there, or you will not.
YTA and seem very toxic. You’re trying to control her. Why on earth were you regularly stalking her location?
We’ve been close friends for 16 years, she has my location still as well as several other friends lmao.
Appreciate the input
And how many of your friends are constantly checking your location? There’s a huge difference in having someone’s location and actually looking at it on a regular basis
NTA
“I invited you to come along to this festival as you’d never been and to cheer you up as you were down after the breakup. You said NAME would never let you go when you two were still together. I thought you’d broken up for good but I found out through someone else you and NAME are back together again. I guess that means he won’t allow you to come to the festival anyways or he might want to join, and that’s not something I’m here for. So I think it’s best if you don’t stay with me and my friends, but that you make your own sleeping arrangements if you are still going.”
You had your friends location and checked it often enough to know when she’s on weekly dates?
I noticed she was at her bf’s favorite place on a Friday night, which was their date night! I shouldn’t have mentioned it lmao y’all are making me out to be a mega stalker. I just listen to my friends when they tell me things and happened to glance at it on that night in particular. We live together and I wanted to know what time she’d be home
Yeah youd probably be the AH seeing as it doesnt seem likely that she’d even go to the festival if hes that controlling, so I dont see the benefit in telling her she cant go with you. Id be more focussed on the living situation than a trip that probably wont happen.
That’s fair, I didn’t look at it that way. I just kinda meant that they can go together and stay separately or whatever, but yeah I see how that could seem like I was rubbing it in now
Yh u will be the ahole .. maybe be that friend that doesn’t come across controlling then she wouldn’t feel she needs to keep secrets from you like where she is …if he’s as bad as you say you are actually playing in to his hands by him isolating her away from her support network which she will need.. just be there for the girl when things go wrong if they do .. and stop trying to punish her by saying she can’t go to the festival
YWBTA
If she’s back with her toxic ex, she probably won’t be able to go anyways. That being said you’re gonna have friends who prioritize toxicity in their relationships. Don’t let it stress you out. Let them do them and move accordingly.
Ask her if she can still go now that they’re dating citing what she told you. Say sorry for making a big stink about her relationship she’s dating him not you. And tell her in general you don’t want to hear about her relationship drama if any arises.
She lives there too, so he’s gonna come by, you’re gonna have to figure out something with that.
Are you her parent and she is a child? Are y’all supposed to be in a relationship? If the answer to both of those questions was no, seek help. It is none of your business who she is with.