# WIBTA if I chose to stay home instead of going to my in-laws on day they get together and holidays?
so I love my in laws they are great. I love my husband. Buutt it seems like every time I go over there it seems to be a problem with my husband. Every time we leave 90% of the time we leaving arguing. I’m not allowed to talk to certain people. I am to literally to stay to myself. Or stay with the women even if he goes outside to hang out with the men. But even still hanging out with the women I feel like I have to be careful on what I say. I feel uncomfortable and on edge. There has been times when I have been accused of flirting or being to friendly. He’s told me I cant joke with his cousins so what am I do if they talk or joke with me? I’ve went over there and drink a little bit with the family and when I did I got accused of being too friendly or too flirtatious. Theres been times that I’ve had the mindset of going over there and not drinking but when I get there he encourages me to drink. Also theres been cheating on both ends so that may be a problem!?! Hes told me that I cant hang out with or talk to certain family members because they are associated with my ex. So I’m at a loss I don’t know what to do anymore and I feel like I want us to work our issues so WIBTA if I just stayed home?
Edit I should probably also add that the cheating happened over two years ago for both so no cheating ahs been recent that I know of on his side. We both agreed to work it out and move forward and Heal our relationship. We both made mistakes. The bad doesn’t outweigh the good. We have so many great memories and times.
So you’ve both cheated, and you don’t want to hang with his family and he picks apart every behaviour at family events while insisting you attend them and dictating who you can and cannot speak to?
Let me ask….
Is there any love left at all? Is it time to reconsider this marriage?
ESH
> Also theres been cheating on both ends so that may be a problem
Cheaters are AH. Period.
I mean, common. Why are the two of you even still married. He doesn’t trust you. He’s controlling.
And no staying home doesn’t solve anything. You two have much deeper issues. Face them head on by dealing with them, advocating for yourself, and set healthy boundaries, or leave.
Sounds like a miserable relationship.
Yikes, this is messy. To directly answer your question, no YWNBTA if you decided to stay home. This seems like a no-win situation for you.
You could explain to your partner that you feel like there’s no way for you to engage in these events that doesn’t result in him criticizing you and ultimately leading to a fight.
However, you obviously have a bigger problem than just this holiday at your in-laws. I think you and your husband need to have a very serious conversation about how you want your marriage to look going forward. You can’t be nitpicking each other’s behavior the way that it sounds like he has been doing with you. Either you’re working to rebuild trust after cheating, or you need to agree to move on. I would be looking for a couples therapist if I were you and you’re committed to rebuilding this relationship.
What’s wrong with your husband? I hope he is seeing a psychiatrist.
You’ve both cheated? Why are you still married?
NTA, but just get divorced.
Esh, you both deserve each other and your messy-ness.
NTA
Your relationship isn’t going to last, so why flog a dead horse?
NTA but this is an abusive relationship
ESH because this is clearly an unhealthy relationship and you’ve both cheated. It was even worse to read since I had to scroll more due to the giant text in your post.
Oh my god, GET A DIVORCE 😂
You CAN’T TALK to people? In his family?
You aren’t ALLOWED to talk to the ILs?
Hon. You’re an adult. This is nonsense. Utterly insane.
This is unhealthy, dysfunctional, and toxic. I don’t care if you had relations with the entire marching band and he enjoyed the girls soccer teams from three universities. This is messed up.
Don’t go and use the time to define what you want your life to be and start planning how to get there.
NTA