When my brother got married, I wasn’t even supposed to be there. His wife insisted that I be there, and that I be the best man at the wedding. He didn’t want me to be, and even told her that, but she told him if he didn’t do it, the wedding was off.
He relented and invited me to be the best-man. I didn’t know any of this backstory till years later. At their wedding the preacher when on a homophobic rant about the sanctity of Marriage and how we have to protect it from the "evil gays". When this happened while I was standing there at the wedding I completely froze. My Brother and his Wife BOTH knew I am gay, and the only other family member to come to his wedding was gay as well. We both went low contact after that happened.
He tried to claim he didn’t know the preacher did that off the cuff, but I found out from the wifes sister that he gave that same speech at the rehearsal. I wasn’t at the rehearsal as I was out of town and on my way back for the wedding.
I met someone this year, and things are going great, and we’ve talked about maybe getting married. Based on my brothers previous actions though, his always calling only when he needs something, or when he thinks he’s one-upping me on something he thinks I care about, which I normally don’t, and the fact he didn’t defend me or the other member of our family that was at his wedding that was gay, and then finding out from the wifes sister that this was planned, I don’t want him there.
Friends have told me that It’s my day to be happy, and if there is any chance he could sour that, to just record the wedding and send him the video of it instead.
WIBTA if I don’t invite him?
YWNBTA…. You clearly know how your own brother feels, why invite that discomfort?
No and I don’t think he’d even want to come. Invite the people that matter.
NTA. It’s too bad you and the other person didn’t walk out of your brother’s sanctimonious wedding.
There’s no room for bigots or homophobes at your wedding. You’re supposed to enjoy the day.
The other family member was there with their partner, and they waited till the preacher had a mouth full of cake at the reception, and made out in front of him. He ended up coughing up some of the cake, so I guess that was kinda a small payback in a way.
Nicely done!!
OMG! That’s so awesome!
BTW, you’re NTA.
NTA, but don’t send a video. You can post it if you want, but sending it directly will cause you more headaches than you want.
NTA.. your day, you set the rules. If you don’t want him there, don’t invite him or his wife. Don’t communicate with them about it. Your SIL clearly knew about the preacher and she is clearly against you. Your brother, whether fully against you or not, will follow his wife as he has shown. Stand up for yourself and be willing to deal with the fallout if there is any. Don’t feel like you need to explain to anyone. Don’t go out of your way to try and make them happy. Simply invite those you want, and don’t those you wouldn’t want there.
YWNBTA. Definitely do not invite him. I hope your “evil” gay wedding goes wonderfully!
You would not be the AH. But it might be fun to invite them , and make sure the officiant makes the case for love prevailing / marriage equality just to see them squirm.
YWNBTA
It sounds like your SIL tried to stand up for you (though failed re: the preacher). If you have a positive relationship with her, you may want to at least let her know. Beyond that, I can’t see how anyone should feel you must include someone who believes in your marriage.
My read, cuz I’m bitter, is that SIL knew this was gonna happen and forced OP there so he could be “converted”, “hear the truth”, “learn and repent”, or some such s***.
NTA. It’s your wedding, you should be surrounded by people that genuinely care for you and wish you well.
Life is too short to make compromises for people that don’t actually value you. Congrats on the wedding, I wish you a lifetime of joy, adventures, and peace.
You’re twins, so just put a different jacket on and get into some pictures. Then just tell him he was there.