My (28F) good friend Christine (also 28F) is getting married in 4 weeks, and has asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding along with another friend, and her sister as maid of honour. Prepping for the wedding has been fun so far, but some drama has cropped up RE hair and makeup.
Christine was initially planning to do her own hair and makeup, but at our (bridesmaids) urging, she’s now decided she does want a professional hair and makeup artist. I think it’s relevant to mention we encouraged this because she wants to wear an updo and she also doesn’t do her own makeup very often, and that she also made this decision after doing a trial run (with her sister’s help), which I think didn’t go to plan. She does not expect us to get our hair and makeup done professionally (unless we want to).
The drama is that Christine has now asked us (bridesmaids) to find her a hairdresser and makeup artist – specifically, she’s asked us to find a selection of different hairdressers, confirm if they are available on the day of her wedding and able to come to the wedding location (which is not near a major city), and get quotes from each of them so she can compare options.
AITA for thinking this is a bit much to request from bridesmaids, particularly with the wedding being only 4 weeks away? And WIBTA if I told her (kindly, of course) that I’m happy to help her google some options, but it’s her responsibility to communicate with her own vendors?
For context, I feel like we’ve already done a fair share of bridesmaid duties (we have planned her bachelorette night and will be paying for her portion of it; we paid for our own bridesmaids dresses; and on the wedding weekend we will be helping set up the venue, make placecards/table decor and helping make some sauces to accompany the catering).
TIA everyone 🙂
**EDIT:** Thanks everyone for your responses 🙂 For additional context:
* The bride actually has already asked her MOH to do this but is unhappy with her efforts, so is now asking me and the other bridesmaid
* RE urging the bride to get professional hair/makeup, this is not a recent development – we all suggested this about 8 months ago when she bought her dress and decided she wanted to wear an updo
In retrospect I think I’m not bothered by the request, more by the manner in which she asked (messaged me and the other bridesmaid privately to complain that MOH is doing a bad job, then very bluntly asked one of us to take over – without expressing gratitude or acknowledging that the degree of effort involved)
After reading everyone’s responses, I see how I should probably give her some grace because she’s stressed. I might counter-suggest that the bride, MOH and myself divvy up the work between us and see how that goes as a compromise 🙂
NTA. That’s why people hire wedding planners.
Or give themselves enough time to get through things – including doing tests for hair and makeup prior to the wedding. You cannot tell if you want someone to do your hair and makeup without having a trial run. It’s not just about cost, it’s if you like the way you look, too!
Geesh!
ESH
As you (and the other bridesmaids) were the ones who were urging her to have her hair & makeup professionally done on her wedding day, you should be willing to help her find someone who is available on fairly short notice.
She sucks because she shouldn’t be expecting you to do it on your own and SHE should also be searching for hairdressers/makeup artists too.
NTA but maybe to avoid conflict see if another bridesmaid/specifically the maid of honor would be willing to take this task on? I would frame it as saying you dont think you’re the best equipped to help her with this. Personally I think when brides expect more help they need to expect it from the maid of honor, theres more planning and involvement with that role. Or if you think any of the other bridesmaids are particularly savvy with knowing hair/makeup people. Like I know in my friend group there is one girl who is like master of the internet, and if I needed help finding someone last minute she would be my go to for help. Its not your responsibility either way, but wedding planning is so stressful it may be better to bite the bullet than to ‘trigger’ the bride and start any sort of beef before the wedding.
I say NTA, but at the same time, is it really worth fighting over?? You’re already making a bunch of things for this wedding, and have done all the bridesmaids duties. I think maybe she’s stressed out because this wasn’t planned so she is asking for help. If she couldn’t afford a wedding planner, this would make sense. A wedding planner would have been the right call if she didn’t want to plan it herself. I feel like the whole thing seems like it depends on the friends attitude. Is she stressed and overwhelmed and asking for a lifeline? Or is she being demanding and rude
NAH- she asked, you can say no.
Sounds more like a maid of honor task if not the bride’s. Stylists might insist on speaking with the bride before giving a quote anyway.
Maybe ask the other bridesmaids if they’re doing it. Don’t really need more than one person on it.
NTA.
NTA you are right it’s too much, and depending where you live probably impossible. In four weeks? Your friend seems off and a little, well, dumb.
NAH
It sounds like she could really use the help and 4 weeks out is not much time. If you don’t have the time for it, say no. She’s not TA for asking and you’re not TA for refusing.
NAH is my take on this. It’s not a crazy ask on the bride’s part, but it’s also not unreasonable if you aren’t up to the task and say so. Maybe you could work together with the other bridesmaid and the sister to get the job done? Divvy it up so one of you googles stylists and makeup artists, another of you makes the phone calls and appointments, another of you goes with the bride-to-be for trial appointments/meet-and-greets, etc. The bride still needs to meet these people and make decisions about who works and who doesn’t, no one can decide that for her, but the logistics might not be impossible to manage if you all do it together. Just a thought.
Nta. So this is not your job.
It’s hers. Bridesmaid does not mean personal assistant. She can look up mau and hair stylist. She can call or email for quotes and availability and she can book them.
Straight up tell her no. Tell her you are not going to be investing that kind of time or energy into this, ans it’s her responsibility.
Having just tried to help my best friend plan her wedding last fall I would say she needs to communicate with anyone she’s going to be paying. I did tons of research and gave options and had silence and then they found their own stuff in the end.
If you aren’t putting a deposit down, don’t do the work. Too much stress.
YTA… lightly.
Weddings are stressful. She’s your friend and she’s asking for help. Help her.
Especially since the professional hair/makeup was at your urging and helping her would be a small investment of your time.
I feel like I’m in backward-land reading some of these replies. If my friend tells me she’s thinking about new shoes for a party I’m already sending links to options without her even asking. Is this not what friends do? Wedding or not.
Please don’t play this game. You are not the asshole. I’ve worked with both high end weddings, as well as pregnant, barefoot brides. It is her responsibility to seek out a hairdresser, pay for a consultation, or a run through.
Upscale weddings are a bit much, you have a group of people from out of town, they are not regulars, and are entitled.
I’ve literally worked at a low end salon, they expected priority service, 3 hours before wedding.
You all gave her guidance to go to a professional. I suggest she does, and expect to pay for a professional service.
Weddings are stressful AF, but don’t bring that stress to a salon. It’s really never appreciated.