Okay so I know this is really dumb but I’m a classic over thinker so bear with me. Every year for Christmas my (27F) boyfriend’s (31M) parents get us and his sister (27F) and her husband (28M) a whole bunch of gift cards as our gifts. They’re mostly to restaurants.
One of the gift cards me and my boyfriend got was a giftcard to Zupas. We were excited to use it and ended up going last week to eat. While there my bf told me how his sister had complained to him that they (sister and her husband) didn’t get a Zupas gift card which is weird because they love it. She said maybe they had given it to us by accident.
My bf said she kind of was indirectly asking him to give it to them but never outright asked so he kept it.
It’s her birthday on the 8th and so I was thinking I would get her a Zupas giftcard but when I told my sister about it she said that would be an asshole move cause it would embarrass his sister who didn’t know he’d tell me about her having an issue with it.
I asked my bf what I should do and he thinks she’d be fine and like it however my bf is lowkey on the spectrum and sometimes doesn’t understand social ques/norms so I don’t know if he actually would be the best person to ask lol.
To clarify, I don’t have any intentions on mentioning the situation about her complaining to her brother about the gift card to her. I plan on just giving the gift card and saying happy birthday.
Wibta and embarrass her by giving her a Zupas gift card?
Umm idts? Depends on how you frame it like you said. Just say your boyfriend mentioned she likes Zupas?
Get the gift card and put it in a card with a note saying how great the restaurant was and you wanted to share that with her. Or get a card. No gift card. But write in it that you want to take her out for her birthday.
“We wanna go out for your birthday.”
And then take them to Zupa’s. No gift card to he awkward about, and if they ask why that restaurant you can say that she had mentioned that they liked it.
I’d say give her the gift card while saying how you’d recently tried it and thought she’d enjoy it. I would not mention the boyfriend’s comment to her at all.
NTA You know this is what she would like to receive. If she wants to read too much into this, that’s on her.
NTA, I don’t see the problem here. She mentioned that she likes this restaurant, so you’ll get her a gift card for them. It’s a gift you know she will like.
I think you’re NTA.
What to say to whom probably depends on family dynamics that you know and I/we don’t. Sister could have easily asked her parents about the absent yet normally given gift card.
\* Could your BF (or you) mention to his parents that you loved the unexpected gift card to that restaurant and can agree with their daughter that it’s a great place? That might nudge the parents to think “Did we give daughter a gift card there this year?” If they realize their oops, they might want to make it right with their daughter themselves.
\* Could you and your BF together give his sister a gift card for her birthday? You all might individually know that it’s to replace the one you and your BF accidentally got, but if it isn’t explicitly said that might allow everyone to move past this.
\* Would your BF be okay with not telling his sister that he told you about their conversation? Personally, I think it would fall under “relationship matters that sister doesn’t need to know”, but maybe someone on the spectrum wouldn’t feel comfortable ‘keeping the secret’.
NTA. Bit if you’re worried, just get her a Visa gift card that can be used anywhere. That way everyone saves face, and she can use it exactly where/how/when she wants.
Why would it embarass her? She likes the resturant so a gift card to somewhere she likes would surely fall under the umbrella of thoughtful gift idea.
NAH. If your bf’s sisters asks “How did you know?” You say “We went there and your brother mentioned that you like it, so I thought it would be good to get you a gift card for your birthday whilst we were there”. The alternative is to just take her and husband there for a birthday celebration which you pay for.
YWNBTA. She literally told your boyfriend she wished she got one, so getting her exactly what she wanted for her birthday isn’t embarrassing, it’s just a good gift. Your sister is overthinking it even more than you are, just give it to her with a normal happy birthday and move on.
YWNBTA. Just give her the card. If she questions it, just say that you and bf went recently and it was so good you thought she might like to go. You don’t have to say anything about the Christmas gc or bf bringing it up.
NTA, tell her its bc you know she enjoys going there. something like i wasnt sure what to get you but ik you love this place, make it about her and what she likes not about the gift card you guys got
YWNBTA – you don’t have to do anything but say “I know you love this place…” and be done with it.