I (22f) and my husband (22m) have recently started creating our guest list for our daughter’s birthday party. While we both have planned to not invite my brother’s girlfriend, I personally wanted to invite my brother’s ex-wife (let’s call her Mary).
A little backstory, my brother and Mary had both gotten married pretty young after having their daughter. Mary has been in my life since I was 12-13 and I have always seen her as an older sister. Their relationship was pretty toxic and they ended separating not long after. They always tried to make it work but ultimately they decided to just live together and co-parent their daughter. Everything seemed to be good until their daughter sadly passed away last year. Every event that has taken place from their daughter’s death to her funeral is what led them to drift apart drastically.
My brother’s gf (let’s call her Beth) does not get a long with Mary like at all. No one knew of beth at all, so we were all shocked to see her at the funeral. They were only together for a few weeks. There was no problem with Mary and Beth at the funeral, it’s what happened after. There were a lot of financial issues along with a lot of blaming going on between my brother and Mary and Beth inserted herself in it. Beth and Mary do not get along at all and it’s too much to say here on why.
Here is why Beth isn’t invited. I currently live overseas and I had to go back to the states a few months ago for something important and my brother and Beth offered me a place to stay. Everything was going good and I actually liked Beth after talking to her for a bit but I quickly changed my mind. I decided to go out with Mary and my daughter to a children’s museum and we had a good time. Once Beth found this out she says a lot of not so nice things about me and since my brother isn’t confrontational, he suggested I stay somewhere else for the night until I talk to Beth and fixed the issue. my daughter and I ended staying with a friend for the night. I go back and we talk it out and there’s no problems. A week passes and my brother and Beth start arguing over Mary and she kicks me out and again my brother doesn’t do anything. I ended up staying with a friend of mines until I left the states.
Ultimately I do not like Beth at all. I’m not a problematic person so after the constant insults and threats towards me, both me and my husband decided not to invite her. The problem is Beth will make a whole scene when she finds out that I plan on inviting Mary and not her. I don’t want to damage my relationship with my brother any further and knowing him I don’t think he would want to attend if she’s there.
My brother and Mary haven’t talked to each other for months and I don’t plan on forcing them to rekindle and interact with each other so I thought time slots would work but I don’t want this to blow up in my face. So what should I do?
NTA. Beth threw you out out of your brothers house because you went to the museum with his ex you were friends since you were 13. It’s clear Beth loves drama. She treated you like 💩 and I would not invite her to my house let alone to my daughter’s bday party. Your brother can choose not to come at this point which also says a lot about his character. Don’t invite Beth. The work does not revolve around her. Updateme
Technically, you can invite whoever you want, it is your party. But don’t act surprised if your brother wouldn’t come and if your relationship with him deteorate.
NTA Sounds like your brother is the actual problem here. He allowed his girlfriend to kick his sister and his niece out of his house. You’re worried about damaging your relationship with your brother but its already damaged and will continue to be as long as Beth is in the picture. You need to decide what is more important to you – Mary, who is like a big sister, or your brother, who is choosing his loser girlfriend over his own sister.
NTA it will probably effect your relationship with your brother though. But it seems like he has been prioritizing Beth over you for quite some time, even when you are reliant on them for housing. Your relationship will probably get worse regardless as long as Beth is in the picture. This is really a matter of who you want to prioritize- your brother who will choose someone else over you or Mary who is like a sister to you. It’s your party so you can what you want!
You can invite whomever you want, but YWBTA if you excluded Beth. You should let both parties know the other is invited and let them decide if they wish to attend. But purposely excluding an established partner is kind of an AH move. And expect more relationship breakdowns.
“I’m not going to invite someone who put me out on the streets twice. End of story.”
NTA, and your brother is just a pushover, letting Beth do whatever. She seems extremely insecure, and you may damage your relationship with your brother by inviting Mary and not Beth, but I would not invite B after she kicked you out 2 times in one trip.
I wouldn’t invite either. Avoid all drama at my daughters bday
YWBTA
His new girlfriend is a part of his life now. If you’re not going to invite her, don’t invite your brother. It sounds like his ex wife is more important to you than he is anyway.
ESH.
If you’re living overseas why would you expect any of these people to travel to you for a birthday party unless they were very close to your kid?
Something tells me your brother has some issues and needs to work through them. It’s likely that both Mary and Beth have similar personality traits and will always have drama surrounding them. So instead of subjecting a kid to their drama, socialize with them separately.
The issue here is Beth and your brother. If you don’t invite Beth, then your brother may not attend. Seems like Beth is the type to speak for both of them. I don’t blame you for not liking you. Getting booted twice from her house would be more than enough reason to cut off a relationship.
If you ultimately decided to invite your brother and Beth, you should not invite Mary. If all three show up, there will be way too much drama. You could always invite Mary over at a different time to avoid a blowup. What you won’t be able to get away with would be inviting Mary and your brother and not Beth. With that said, YWBTA.
Invite your brother, and Mary, fuck Beth, and let the chips fall where they may. If you want to invite Mary, make that decision irregardless of any other people’s drama.
Beth has already affected your relationship with your brother. do what you want.