Hey, I know this is a massive sub with a lot of suspicious posts. I have a real one, not very interesting, but I do want to ask for genuine advice.
I am 30 female, my boyfriend 31 male. Not that it really matters. We have been together for two years and some change, lived together for one. Our relationship is generally good. We fight sometimes but we don’t resort to screaming or hitting.
His mom can be very nice when she wants to be. She was very nice to me at first. I am not a professional so I can not diagnose, but I suspect narcissistic traits or bipolar behavior. Neither of these mental disorders are meant in any way as an insult.
She can snap at random and yell at him, insult him, hit him, or show up unexpectedly at our house to drop off food, as an excuse to be there.
I know he loves his parents, and they can be very lovely people. They have been good to me. But seeing his mom make him cry, using threats, literally hitting him, stalking us; it is pushing me to my limits.
I love him very much but I can’t deal with his mom anymore. She shows up at our house randomly. I am very uncomfortable with her.
So here is what I ask. I don’t want to make an ultimatum because our relationship is otherwise good. WIBTA if I call her out on her shit and possibly destroy her relationship with my boyfriend? It’s his family and I don’t want to make a rash decision.
I know some of you can relate. Please give me guidance.
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Unfortunately I might have to. He loves me fiercely and may pick me over her but the threat will never go away.
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Talk to him, tell him how you feel and that you want to talk to his mom. See what he says. You would not bta, but that can be a slippery slope. Good luck!
This is a tough one, YWNBTA if you talk to him about it first and let him know it’s a line for you, and that you have too much respect and love for him to see someone treat him that way, no matter who they are. He needs to be on board with this, because it will definitely make things harder before they get better.
Thanks. I can see how much it hurts him. I want him to have his family. But his mom showing up at our house at all hours of the night is freaking me out.
What does he want to do? You can set your own boundaries but anything regarding his relationship with his mom has to be done with his consent. He should definitely see a therapist to help him establish what is a healthy relationship v with mom and to empower him with skills to deal with her. Nta, as long as he’s on board
Support him, and defend him without showing as defensive. You don’t want to make an enemy of her, and you don’t want him to get the feeling you’re meddling or anything like that.
Thank you. I want to approach this very carefully. If family therapy is on the table I am open to that
Talk to him and tell him how much it bothers you that his mother treats him like she does. Encourage him to set boundaries with her and if he is uncomfortable doing that, maybe therapy would give him the confidence to do so. See if he can handle the situation first and if he doesn’t, tell him you will not sit by and watch it happen without saying something. YWNBTA but talk to him first.
Talk to your BF what does he say. I would not call her but if she happened to be at my place and she went off …. I might “offer” her a piece of advice. NTA
Ywbta. He’s a grown ass man. This isn’t your fight and trying to do it for him just makes you the villain. You can support abd encourage him but if he wants this to change he needs to do it.
a detailed police report would stop all this abuse