My ex and I were together for almost 10 years. For months, we planned that I would finally move in with him. Two weeks before the move, he broke up with me.
I later found out he had been seeing someone else the whole time, which he always denied. While we were talking about moving in together, he was on dating apps and eventually started a relationship with another woman. I also supported him financially for years and lent him money.
He made me feel like I was the problem for “not wanting to move in,” when in reality I just wanted real commitment. The moment I told him I was moving in two weeks, he ended things. He told me that he wasn’t leaving for anyone. Now, I got to knew the truth when they got engaged.
Part of me thinks she deserves to know the truth. Another part of me feels relieved she took him out of my life, since I now see how much he took advantage of me.
Should I tell her, or let it go and move on?
If I was in her position and unaware I would want to know. NTA
You aren’t doing it to help, you’re doing it for revenge
NTA. Personally, I’d want to know if my partner was cheating on me—or had a history of cheating—before getting married. I think it’s important for her to at least be aware, because what’s stopping him from doing it again? The fiancée deserves to know. And honestly, whether the motive is revenge or genuinely looking out for her doesn’t change the fact that she has a right to that information.
You can, but be prepared for if she already knows and doesn’t give a shit.
That’s what happened to me.
NTA, feel free to have your revenge, but let it teach you a few key life lessons.
1. Never ever support another adult that is not your child attending school or needing a BRIEF assistance or a disabled parent. A partner only receives full support during brief education improvements or if they are the SAHP.
2. Once someone cheats or attempts to cheat, don’t even wait for the excuses. Being on apps is cheating, even if no one else wanted them. The intent was there. Also, they wouldn’t be truthful about it anyway. Leave ASAP and don’t look back no matter the tears, begging, apologies, or excuses. If they don’t respect you enough to honor their commitment or to leave first, they will never respect you for returning. You deserve better.
You aren’t trying to be helpful, you just want revenge.
Jealousy is never a good look.
Just get over yourself, retain your dignity, and move on.
10 years deserves some closure and however op whats to do that as long as legal
She isn’t going to get closure from revenge.
There will be backlash, confrontations, more contact with her ex, more mud raking and slinging.
This will stir things up again and chuck OP back into things – it most certainly won’t bring closure!
Its not revenge, it’s justice because he has been cheating..he gets to walk away scot free with a clueless fiancé? Telling someone facts it’s not revenge.. revenge is trashing something or calling up his boss with untrue bs. The just walk away after being cheated in a decade is passive and will make her feel like she is not worth sticking up for .. very roll over and take it
If you’re burning bridges go big or home. Tell her and anyone else he knows to ruin his reputation
NTA. She deserves to know. If you dont tell her, you are the asshole.
Both morally and for health reason she deserves to know. She never consented to the additional risks of him having more partners ( just like you didnt). And if he cheated on you and her at the same time, chances are he will cheat again in the future.
NTA if you do it. I was cheated on for years, and she even knew we were married. She didn’t care.
In the end, it won’t make you feel any better. It better to just move on with your head held high.
No nta