Last year I was was in a car accident that resulted in an amputation. At the time, a close friend of mine Id known for about 2 years really became my rock. He was my biggest support and really helped me physically, mentally, and spiritually through the whole ordeal of healing. After about 4 months, our friendship morphed into a situationship. I was really wanting a relationship out of what we were building, yet he insisted I had just been through a traumatic life event and that while he loved me and a relationship was his goal too, he didnt think it was smart of me to start a relationship while I was still healing from the mental trauma of the accident.
Around this same time it was the holidays, andhe paid 2 bills for me (roughly $900 total) to give me breathing room as I was drowning in medical bills and struggling to catch up from a reduced income during recovery. I am forever grateful for that, and at the time I told him I would pay him back when I got my taxes back in the spring. He was dismissive of the subject, saying it was no big deal, he was happy to help. I was insistent on not wanting to accept such a large sum of money from him as a gift when he had done so much for me up to that point. We never discussed it past that.
Long, embarassing, and painful story made short- he just had a fetish….
Things ended badly around the middle of January and since then he has just ghosted. Ive reached out to him and all I get is radio silence. Ive gotten my taxes back recently and am currently in a position to pay him back. Many of my friends say I shouldn’t bother after what he put me through. That if it was important, he’d respond or reach out. While that may or may not be true, that doesnt sit right with me. I dont like having debts and I dont think emotional manipulation or immaturity negates a financial commitment. I dont know if he uses any money transferring apps as the bills were paid directly and we have never exchanged money otherwise. Ive thought of just dropping it off at his home. Though he lives over an hour away and an emotional and hurt part of me wants to be petty if I truly have to go out of my way to pay him back like that. Like a manila envelope full of $10s and glitter left in the mailbox for him.
Or just a bunch of $1s totalling the amount owed. If its going to be this inconvenient for me, I feel its fair to make it inconvenient on him as well.
Im really frustrated and just want to be done this situation. I guess I currently am if I wanted to be, but nonpayment feels wrong. Alternatively, having to figure out how to repay him feels nonsensical too. Maybe it would be easier if I just ignored the issue and respect his distance.
WIBTA if I did pay him back in a petty way? If I didnt pay him back at all? Im just not sure how to go about all of this or if i should even be bothered by it like I am. Im just tired and hurt and wanting to start moving forward again without any loose ends hanging over me.
Just pay it or don’t. I probably wouldn’t. If you do, don’t be petty, just pay it and move on with your life.
You owe him the money, so pay him the money… normally.
YWBTA to be petty about it. He helped you in a time of need. If he’s making it difficult to pay him back then don’t.
If he’s ghosting, don’t pay it back. If he cared about it, he’d be asking for it before dropping you.
Spend it wisely.
personally I’d just keep it considering things ended badly. but you do you.
You don’t have to pay him back (unless he asks), but if you choose to pay him don’t be petty about it, that’s just emotionally engaging with him which seems like a bad idea.
BTW if you know where he lives you can just send a check in the mail. This is a situation where old tech has a solution.
YWBTA. Pay them back normally and then consider the matter closed. A petty repayment will lead to further headache.
Gently YTA. You pay him back because it’s the right thing to do and you get that personal closure. Don’t further entangle yourself or diminish what you’re doing by being petty. Pay, move on and live your best life.
Pay the money with the least drama to yourself, and be done. Right now it weighs on you or you would look at it differently. Nta
YWNBTA. The glitter thing might be an AH move but only because that will become the problem for everyone who uses the money after him 😆
Should you repay him? Up to you. You could text him and tell him he has a certain amount of time to let you know how he wants you to pay him back and if you don’t hear from him you’ll consider the debt forgiven.
YWBTA. You want to move on. You presumably have his phone number. Send him money that way. You seem relatively intelligent, I’m sure you can figure it out. Or, send him a money order since you know his address. Does he have an iPhone? You can pay him via the messenger app. You don’t have to drive to his house.
Glitter and one dollar bills just make you look pitiful. Like you are still not over him. Don’t give him the satisfaction.
What would getting petty with repayment do to benefit you? Seems like it would just keep you stuck in the drama of however it ended, and I do think it would look to him like you just want his attention. I think YWBTA to yourself if you stay engaged in this dynamic. If your intention is to pay him back but he’s ghosting, put that money in savings for now. If he wanted it back he’d let you know.
YWBTA if you do something petty. He straight up told you not to pay him back, so don’t. Honestly, no one should ever loan money with expectations of being paid back because it usually doesn’t happen and just causes strife in whatever the relationship is.
Just move on and be thankful that you found out his fetish somewhat early on. You’ve got enough to deal with without stressing about that guy.
I think, if I were you, I would take that money and put it into a savings account. That way, if he does come looking for it, you have it available. Hold onto it for a few years, then consider it your own savings. Never hurts to have money in the bank for a rainy day 😁 Good luck with everything!