I’m in my second semester of college currently. I’m also receiving financial aid from the government due to my biological dad (49M) being 100% disability. During my first semester, my mom was paying for most of my housing with the help of the money the VA gave us due to her needing to provide for my four younger siblings (17M&M, 16M, and 12F), her switching jobs, my other dad (49M) having a lower income, and her getting her master’s degree just recently.
So most of the VA money was going towards her, but now I’ve started to pay for most of my fees (with the help of aid) while trying to pay off my loans (which the VA money is going towards). Last month, she gave it to me with no problem, but she’s been putting off sending the money to me. I don’t want to pester, but I’m getting nervous with the money I’m being given. I’m still getting allowance from my grandma + my bio dad (though he’s been lacking), so essentially I’ve been paying most of my loans out of pocket. I want to switch the routing numbers/account, but I’m afraid she’s going to be pissed. I need some advice.
Edit: My mom and biological dad are divorced, I’m not sure if she even receives money for my siblings (my youngest sister isn’t my biological dads child)
Edit 2: The benefit I’m talking about is Chapter 35.
**UPDATE:** I talked to my mom after my classes about rerouting the payment to my account and it went well. I think it might’ve been a me issue, I tend to bend backwards for people just to avoid conflict and confrontation since I find it easier just to keep my mouth shut, even if it bothers me 😞. But she wanted to go half on this payment since she’s still paying back what used for my housing last semester so I don’t mind! Afterwards most of the money will be going to my loans, and other fees that I have! Thank you everyone for the advice! 🙂
Do that if you think you can 100 percent get by without her if you had the government payments.
NTA
This money is yours. It is meant to go toward your education.
That doesn’t mean she is going to take it well, but that does not make you an AH.
Know that if you make this move you are choosing to be independent of her and shouldn’t expect anymore financial support from her.
If she intends to give you *your* money, that was sent specifically for you by the government, then she would have absolutely no reason to be angry. Letting her continue to receive your payment just enables her to withhold the money from you if she sees fit. NTA
NTA. You are 18. She is going to be pissed, let her have her feelings. She will get over it.
Not on would you not be TA, you need to do it immediately.
Call and get it switched. You’re an adult now and that money is meant for you.
She’ll be pissed but it’s your money. You WNTA. Not in any way, shape or form. Tell her after you do it, not before. And don’t change it back.
She is *digging a hole that YOU will need to pay your way out of*.
Honey, it’s okay to make the best decisions you can *for yourself*. If that means changing the deposit information to protect *your* money, then do it.
She’s going to be mad. She’s already okay with using your funds to support herself.
I’m so sorry. It shouldn’t have to be like this.
TBH, Given everything Mom’s got going on, she sounds pretty impressive. Four minor kids, new job, two BD’s (one disabled), and a recent Masters degree.
Maybe OP should just talk with her about this.
NTA The funds are yours to do with as you wish but if you are dependent on your mother for any financial support or for housing she may deny you that if you change the deposit.
Im going to assume this is US and you are on Chapter 35. Check with your state, a lot of states have additional programs that offer more funds or benefits that can help with tuition or expenses.
NTA, you are an adult and the money legally is yours. Sounds like your mother wanted to keep stealing from you and got caught.
NTA. I know exactly the benefits you’re talking about and they are yours alone. Change the bank info and the issue is doesn’t exist bc the benefits weren’t hers to begin with.
No no no. I had these exact same benefits. They’re not for the family, they’re for YOU to have chances you otherwise wouldn’t bc of how disability impacted your family. That money is NOT for you the rest of the family, it’s for your education. It’s supposed to help fund it and help you stay afloat so you can study. It’s there to level your academic playing field and help your future, not help pay for your families bills.
My father was 100% disability through the VA and my mom retired early due to retirement. I’ve been through the offices and the talks and the paperwork for these kinds of benefits, I has them for years, it’s always stressed how much they’re meant for YOU and YOUR expenses not your families.
Do it. Do it before you tell her you’ve done it. Also, lie. Say the VA told her you had to put it into your own account.