My brother is getting married out of the country overseas. I’m planning on taking advantage and going to another country right before flying in for the wedding.
I want to propose at this other country before the wedding. I don’t see a problem with it, but another friend mentioned that it might be weird. WIBTAH?
YTA – it’s generally bad form to purpose at or that close to someone’s wedding. It takes the attention off their big day and puts it on you. Unless the bride excitedly says yes, don’t be that guy who refuses to pay attention to others.
YWNBTA for proposing right before the wedding but YWBTA if you announce, talk about or celebrate your engagement at any wedding events. If you both can’t refrain from talking about the engagement at any wedding events, then I wouldn’t do it. The wedding is about their marriage, not congratulating your recent engagement.
Info: would you inform your family of the proposal at/shortly before your brothers wedding? If so, then YWBTA. Let your brother and his partner have their moment.
It sounds as if you’re planning to show up *at your brother’s wedding* telling everyone about your engagement.
If you *weren’t* planning to announce it at your brother’s wedding, you’d schedule the extra travel and proposal immediately *after* the wedding.
YTA for that.
It matters how you handle it. I think you could do it if you don’t make the announcement until a week or so after the wedding.
That way, you could take advantage of the location but not spring it on everyone going to the wedding and stealing focus away from your brother and the bride.
edit for clarity
If you keep it secret until after the wedding and make sure your brother and future inlaw have a great time? NTA. If you tell everyone and make a big deal out of it, then you would be the asshole.
Soft YTA. Even if you’re not proposing at the actual wedding, if people are finding out at the wedding or are seeing you in person for the first time since finding out, it would still be drawing focus off the couple getting married.
If you want to use the location to make it special you can, but you should not tell anyone before or at the wedding, or wear any engagement rings to the wedding.
Yes, you WBTA
The only way you WNBTA is if you proposed, then neither you nor your fiance (or anyone else who knows about your engagement) breathe a single hint about the engagement, AND she DOES NOT wear her new engagement ring at ANY time during your attendance at your brother’s wedding.
HOWEVER, Since WE ALL KNOW THAT THIS IS AN IMPOSSIBLE ASK,
DON’T DO IT!!!!
Will this be a “secret engagement” not telling anyone and no ring visible OR will you be making a “big” announcement” and showing off the ring to all? One would make you an AH and the other would not.
Why don’t you fly to the other country AFTER the wedding?
YWNBTA as long as you don’t hijack your brother’s wedding for your own celebration.
This is key, OP. You can do the proposal, but you can’t tell anyone, and I’ll go so far as to say your fiancée can’t wear her new ring, at the wedding.
Using the travel opportunity to make a proposal you couldn’t do otherwise is efficient. Stealing your brother’s spotlight is not, and it’s downright A-holish.
Tell everyone the day AFTER the wedding. If there’s a breakfast next day, not then and there, but maybe in the afternoon.
YWBTA if you stole the spotlight. If you announce it before, you will get attention at the wedding. If you keep your news to yourselves and hide the ring until at least the day after the ceremony YWNBTA.
It’s all about timing and attention here. Avoid pulling attention from the bride and groom. Can you both manage that?
Why don’t you switch the “other country” where you want to propose to AFTER your brother’s wedding. Do his wedding, then fly to the other country and do your thing?
YWNBTAH for proposing before the wedding but you would 100% not gush and talk about it at wedding events. Easier at this point to just do it afterwards.
Only if it’s a private proposal and you’re 100% certain you can both keep quiet about it until after his wedding.