I (21F) have been living with my roommate (21F) for 3 years. We were friends in high school and decided to room together when we went to college. About a year ago, her sister got engaged, and her wedding is this weekend. The idea was for my roommate, her fiancé, and me to drive down to the wedding and leave on Sunday. This was communicated several times to her and the fiancé prior to the day we were leaving.
Last night I told them both to get their things together so that while she was in class, I could pack the car and we could just leave when she finished. She didn’t have her things packed and asked me to go back and find things that she had left somewhere in her room while blaming the fiancé for not putting them in her duffel. When I went to pick up her fiancé, he was having a fit about losing his wallet and throwing things around his apartment. The plan was to leave at 11:30 after she got out of class, with all the mess we ended up leaving an hour after we were supposed to. The venue was 2.5 hours away, so the one-hour delay was the difference between having an hour to relax and rushing for her to get to the rehearsal dinner.
We got to the initial address we were given, and it was the wrong one; her mother had told us the wrong address a week ago. The actual address was almost an hour away. We start driving the hour to the actual venue, and the fiancé is having a meltdown in my backseat, huffing about us being late. We get closer to the right venue, and the GPS starts having problems. We drive in circles with neither person helping, trying to direct us to the venue. Eventually, we call her Mom, and we get to the venue as they are rehearsing the wedding procession. The fiancé is not being helpful, and I end up dragging her stuff and some of his stuff to their room, and some of the things she bought for the reception into the venue.
The whole way down, I felt more like their chauffeur than her friend, as she doesn’t drive and doesn’t trust her fiancé to drive long distances. I left them at the venue and drove to where I was staying with my grandparents. My family says that I should just drive home tomorrow and let them figure out how to get home. Thinking about it, it may be nice to have a weekend where I don’t have to parent two grown adults. WIBTAH if I left my roommate and her fiancé at the wedding?
EDIT: I also should note that I am not getting gas money from either person for driving the almost 4 hours with them.
NTA.
You got them to the wedding and did all the work while they acted like kids
I would let them know that you are leveaing to go home at Xo’clock and they need to have their stuff in the car at that time. Last call , no more waiting . your not there you find your own way home.
just be prepared to get the cold shoulder from your “friend” after this.
Unfortunately, YWBTA if you ditch them and go back home. Just reading the post, *I* want to leave them, but it would be wrong.
Take them home, but make this the last time you ever put yourself out for them.
NTA.
Your roommate and her fiancé are ridiculous. BUT, assuming you’re invited to the wedding, it still would be best if you toughed it out this weekend. You RSVPed to this wedding, plus leaving your idiot friends with no way to get home would cause needless drama — and you still have to live with your roommate, for now.
But I still wouldn’t call you an asshole if you did leave. And you’d be an asshole to yourself if you ever traveled with these dummies again.
You should never have agreed to this. Don’t ever agree again.
I’d stay, but make it crystal clear that you are leaving at X time on X day whether they are packed, ready and in the car or not.
YTA if you just leave.
Well, obviously your roommate and her fiancé are assholes. But that being said, you would be the third asshole in the situation if you left them and I think you already know that.
It would harme your friendship if you do that.
But tell Them that there attitude today is not okay.
That you Will leave on the day as planned, tell them when to be ready and if they Are not ready you Will drive without them.
And gas money – why the hell havent you cleared this in the first place.
Tell Them you Will give Them the Price when you Are home
You’re not their parent. You dont have to take care of them.
You didnt have to put up with the lateness or put their things in the room for them.
You should go home when planned/promised. If theyre ready on time, fine. If not leave without them. I disagree with leaving early.
However your family is right that they need to learn to take care.of themselves. Stop goving them your labour.
YWTBA because you dont have a reason to go home other than youre miffed. Keep your word and leave exactly the time you planned whether they are ready or not.
ESH. They are childish AHs who clearly don’t have their shit together but ditching them 2 hours away (3 hours? The venue is another hour further away or an hour closer to where you started? Why do y’all only have 1 GPS, doesn’t everyone have phones?) is pretty nuclear AH action, especially with someone you live with and have been friends with for years. This can’t possibly be the first time she has been a total flake; you had to know what you were likely getting into with this circus. Don’t ditch them unless you have first warned them “I am leaving at time X and if you aren’t there, you will have to arrange transportation home with your family” and then never, ever volunteer to drive them anywhere again. And ask for some dang gas money, don’t wait for it to be offered.
I think you would be TA if you just drive home.
But I think it would be fair if you give them a specific departure time and place, and tell them “unfortunately if you are not completely packed and ready to go at that time, I will have to leave without you.”
Then stick to it.
Unfortunately, yes YWBTA if you just ditched them. It’s perfectly understandable to want to do so though. And I could see imposing reasonable expectations on them if they want you to drive them home- like no more being late, for instance. Tell them “I’m leaving at X time and will leave you here if you’re not ready to go by then.”
You would 💯 BTAH if you left them stranded that far from home when you were supposed to be their ride home and so is everyone telling you to leave them. You should also 💯get gas money before you head back. I’m sure going home will be a much more pleasant trip since everyone isn’t stressed about being late.
Mild YTA. I think it would be classless to leave them; you committed to the plan and you should live up to your commitment.
Should you consider this experience in future situations where your roommate and/or their fiance’ ask for you to drive them around? Abso-frickin-lutely.
ESH
They are grown children who made you late and made the entire trip sound like hell. You however did drive them and it’s basically an unspoken rule that if you’re their ride, you’re their ride. Ditching them would be an asshole move, even if they deserved it.