27F 45M Navigating insecurities

Hi, long story short I am 27F was dating 45M for the better part of 4 months. He hid a lot of things about himself, we met at the gym he was my Brazilian Jiu Jitsu instructor, I asked him out because I saw how nice he is with kids and I fell for his heart despite him not being the most attractive guy. There was some immediate red flags like on our first “date” it only happened because I was drunk and he offered to pick me up, we hung out and got more drinks and got food and he gave me some really strong weed which I have never smoked weed before. This became a pattern, he was constantly smoking very potent weed and pushing it on me, despite the fact that I asked him early on if he smokes daily and he said no only a little on the weekends.

Well, turns out I don’t handle weed very well. I started dissociating very badly and had a few very scary experiences while high and he was there and told me I am making it up and scapegoating my mental issues on the weed, mental issues I didn’t have when I met him.

He also lied about being financially stable, made the illusion by constantly talking about his “investments” (gambling) and would buy me a lot of things including a trip we had to cancel once the truth of his financial difficulties came out. He was almost homeless his financial situation was so bad. He didn’t want me to come over because he lived in a trailer in very poor condition. Despite having a career as a carpenter and the side hustle of marital arts.

We drives 3 hours each way to get this special very strong weed, which is a red flag to me.

It was evident he had a problem with weed and money and now a new thing; anger.

A man my age was friendly towards me and I saw him strictly as a friend, we would discuss philosophy a shared interest, well he asked me if I am okay because my boyfriend the instructor was too rough with me during sparring and also said if we ever break up he is interested.

My ex decided he wanted to assault this guy for asking me that, luckily I talked him out of it and he instead made a big scene and threatened him and kicked him out of the gym.

He demanded that I block this guy and was mad that I didn’t immediately block him without being told that I should. He said I was cheating by having “deep” conversations with another man (we had only been dating 3 weeks by this time.)

Well while with him I kept getting various illnesses which was a red flag like a lot of UTIs and yeast infections, Mono, among others. So I decided to investigate his Instagram because he told me that when we met he was very much on tinder but had since deactivated. Well I found countless girls he was liking pictures of and commenting on, recently. So to me that was a red flag, noticed he was following new women often as well. Well I brought this up very calmly and it turned into him screaming at me, saying I was abusive and accusing him of cheating which I never did.

He refused to stop this behavior so instead of leaving him I retaliated, not mature of me but I was pissed. So all I did was post nice pictures of myself, when before this I didn’t have much on Instagram. I posted like me in a normal dress with some cleavage, or me in leggings and a hoodie at the gym. I also was feeling like maybe this would make him like me more as well as balance out the power imbalance. That was incorrect, he instead said that he hates when I dress nice, he hates everything that I wear, he hates that I look good and I am in good shape, and he thinks me dressing nicely is a form of cheating even though I only go out with him and I dress nice for him on our dates.

So now he is saying that I am the cheater, and abuser, etc. I told him he needs to stop screaming at me and stop flirting with other women online or else I am gone. Well, he said I’m the problem because I posted revealing pictures of myself and wore shorts that were too short while going to a gym with him to exercise.

On top of this in the beginning of our relationship when I was always high he would constantly have unprotected sex with me even though I wanted to use a condom, I would tell him don’t finish in me and he would do it anyway, he later admitted to trying to get me pregnant without my consent. But then blamed me for it because if I didn’t want to then I shouldn’t have let him, which means I knew what I was doing too?

We also got into a tiff over the fact that on my birthday he got my lingerie as my gift and didn’t plan anything, which hurt me. But I was the problem for being ungrateful for his flowers (dying cheap flowers… which was nice but I was too hurt to be happy about them)

So now we are just at a standstill, he was stalking my social media like messaging men who follow me asking if I’m cheating, looking at every single account that follows me or who I follow, was angry I posted a picture of a male UFC fighter that I like.

I have been trying to get over him but it is hard, since I feel like maybe this is all my fault. is this abuse?

TLDR; Red flags in dating and inconsistencies/lies and trying to figure out how to handle this or if I just need to cut ties forever and cut my losses.