Hi.
English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes!
Backstory:
My BF and I have been living together since june 2022. We are living and renovating an old house, and its been really tough since we literally had to change everything, for example – a house didn’t even have proper flooring, electricity nor proper water system. We did so much in those 4 years, but it’s nowhere near finished. Renovating was financially hard, we had to take out loans and sacrifice so much of our personal wants and needs.
We went on a vacation only once, and we barely ever go on dates – maybe 5 times a year and it’s something simple, such as getting coffee in our local coffee shop..
so, my partner and i talked and he decided to go to another country to work for 6 months a year in the next couple of years so we can finish the house and pay off the loans. I cannot go, as I’m also in college (we are both in our late 20s, and i have 2 more years since i started collage at 24). The pay is like 3 times what he makes here, so that’s the main reason.
I’m an emotional wreck. Like, yeah, I can survive 6 months and can visit him sometime, but it won’t be just this year. Now, I cannot even focus on my studies and work. I think he is accepting the situation way too easly, and even he says it will be easier for him. He also worked on a ship before we met, so it’s not new to him.
I’m feeling kinda hopeless. Maybe it’s me, but I feel like I cannot deal with this. How can partners live together for almost half a decade, and than apart for just as much? How can that be a healthy relationship?
He will go to work in a new country, surrounded by new people, new culture. I know it won’t be as hard for him, he will be preocuppied with all those experiences, majority if not all happy I hope!
I will stay here. In the house we started building our lives, in the city I moved to when we decided to live together, so it’s not even my home town.
I also struggle with anxiety, and I’m really terriefied and I cannot focus on anything.
I really don’t want this.
Do you think this is managable? Especially considering the fact I’m not even fully on board with this regime for the next 3-5 years, so I’m already starting on a negative side…
I WAS on board with 6 months but ONLY this year, but he definitely wants more and maybe even moving to that country in the future.