So basically, my sister(20F) met a guy named Cruf(16M) few days ago. He was really charming, goodlooking, and confident. He had a fuller beard that made him look like someone older.
When my sister was walking our pets in the park, Cruf approached her and asked for her social handle. But he lied about his age being 16, instead he said 19.
For context, my sister is really charismatic, beautiful, and funny person, but she has Major Depressive Disorder(MDD) which makes her vulnerable for attachments. So, they both started talking and flirting the day they met, then they went to few dates. Cruf lied about many things but he genuinely made my sister feel happy after a very long time. They fell in love with each other, seriously talking to each other whole day and going out on dated. So it was alright to see my sister happy ’cause i could do anything for her happiness.
But, today I became suspicious of Cruf and wanted to know about him more, I had an hinge that he might be lying about many things, so i asked my sister to prove his age as his behaviour looked really childish to me. Cruf absolutely started lying about his age and to divert the conversation, but when my sister told him to quit playing around, he told the truth.
Cruf revealed that he’s just 16 and he wanted to just get along romantic with my sister. I felt disgusted because that’s really young. But my depressive sister couldn’t understand why is it wrong. She literally said she wants him and only him, doesn’t matter how or who he is.
I tried to convince her to use her conscience to distinguish _love_ and just limerance, but she became really sad and had a panic attack. I couldn’t bear to see her sadness but I also couldn’t accept their age gap. I sincerely asked my sister to break up with him at once. She thought for few minutes and told Cruf that yea it’s really not morally acceptable (although she did it because of me)
Now she’s way more depressive, I don’t know how could I cheer her up, she only needs a romantic partner so I’m tryna find someone compatible.
But she isn’t talking to me now, she says that I’m envious of her happiness (wtf?) and I don’t wanna see her with someone she genuinely adores (again wtf?). I tried apologising to her and tried to tell her that a sixteen year old person has really underdeveloped brain that could be wrongly altered. But she just said "everyone experiences teenage love so why is it a problem for me now"
I genuinely don’t know what do I do. Did I do something wrong? Should I just let my sister be happy with him even though that’d be inappropriate? Please do respond. Please.
A few days ago??
They did say she gets attached very fast
Yes, she gets attached easily.
Even if inadvertently, your sister is a predator. Cruf (wild name btw) deceived her into this, but as the adult in the situation, she needs to remove him from her life. I recognize that she’s not quite mentally able to do so, but Cruf is a child and several years her junior.
Um, is this story real? There’s not enough information. Are you in charge of your sister, even though you’re younger? Do you guys have parents? Does she have more disorders? Are you in the USA?
Your sister doesn’t need a romantic partner.
She needs to see a professional and therapy. Romance and love aren’t a fix for mental health issues.
You sister needs a therapist not a 16yr boyfriend.
Your sister could go to prison for this & have to register as a s*x offender. This will ruin her life.
Your 20-year-old sister wants teenage love?? That alone is not good, and it’s worse that she’s allowing a 16 year old to pursue her. Not that he’s a prize – lying is a real red flag in any relationship. The problem is that there’s not a lot you can do. You’ve tried speaking to her, but it hasn’t worked. You might ask someone she likes and respects, maybe another family member to intervene. Maybe encourage her to bring this situation up with her therapist if she’s currently getting treatment for her depression.
One danger is that some people, when others question their choice of a partner, just dig in and get more and more attached to the partner. You don’t want her so upset that you don’t approve of her actions that she won’t come to you for help when this all collapses, as it probably will, and you also don’t want to act like you approve of her boyfriend. It’s a difficult balance.
NTA for telling her what you did.
Hey thank you for your insights. And yes they broke up today and she’s gonna seek him like an addict for few days, I just want her to be happy, not doing this which she’ll do tomorrow eventually
NtA. It’s a “problem for her” because she is legally an adult, and he is legally a minor. If they have started having sex, in some jurisdictions, that’s sexual assault or sexual misconduct or at least contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Even if they haven’t progressed to that level yet, I have very little faith that a hormonal teenage boy would be willing to wait two years before pressuring her for sex. Also, her MDD makes her very vulnerable to chasing dopamine surges like limerance and mistaking crushes for “true love.”
Plus, I’m suspicious about why he lied about his age in the first place. I think he learned her age and lied about his specifically to short-circuit any ick factor she might have about the age gap and inherent power imbalance until after she was already invested in the relationship.
NTA but stop trying to fix her up. She doesn’t need a relationship. Sure a healthy relationship can add happiness to someone’s life but it’s important to find other sources of happiness. She can’t know she was in love with this guy because he was lying about so many things to pretend to be someone she loved. It’s not your fault she’s sad. And you’re right that it would be wrong of her to keep seeing a 16 yr old.