My best friend (33F) and I (31F) have been best friends since 7th grade.
We both got into serious relationships around the same time in 2020. Because of the pandemic and other circumstances, our friend group didn’t really meet her boyfriend (now fiancé, 31M) until a couple years later.
I’ve honestly only spent time with him a few times in person, but there have been some things over the years that have made me uncomfortable.
For example, my friend has told me that he jokes that I’m basically his “second” girlfriend. She’s also mentioned that he’s joked that if I was interested I could “join them.” I always brushed it off because it was being told to me secondhand and I didn’t want to make things weird.
Another time she was on the phone with him while we were hanging out and when she told him I was with her he told her to “give me a kiss for him.”
Recently he actually reached out to me to help plan his proposal to her, which I thought was nice and normal since I’m her best friend. I helped him plan the night and showed up to help record the proposal.
But at the dinner before the proposal he started making some jokes that made me really uncomfortable.
First he joked that the waiters probably thought the three of us were on a date. Okay, whatever.
Then he joked that the waiters probably thought he was “cool” for being on a date with two girls.
Then he made a joke that if the waiter asked, he’d tell them he “takes both of us at the same time, one on top of the other.” My friend laughed and even added “like a sandwich.”
I kind of just did the awkward laugh because I didn’t know what to say. He repeated some variation of the joke multiple times throughout dinner.
The proposal itself went great. I recorded everything, congratulated them, took pictures, and then left so they could enjoy the rest of their night.
Now here’s where my current issue comes in.
My best friend and I have a concert trip planned next month that was originally supposed to be more of a girls/best friends trip. Out of nowhere her fiancé basically invited himself and offered to drive us.
My friend said obviously agreed, but I was really looking forward to it just being us.
Because of the comments he’s made in the past and the way he kept making sexual jokes about me the night he proposed, the idea of spending an entire trip with him honestly makes me uncomfortable.
Part of me wants to tell my friend that I’d prefer if it was just us like we originally planned, but I’m worried that will come across as me calling her fiancé a creep or trying to cause problems in her relationship.
I’m also aware that sometimes if you already don’t like someone you might interpret their behavior more negatively, so I’m genuinely trying to check myself here.
AITA if I tell her I’d rather he not come on the trip?