I live in a college apartment with a roommate, let’s call her Melissa. We are both 21F. We have a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom place.
Melissa has a habit of bringing a guy, we’ll call him Chris, to spend the night. They aren’t dating, just "friends", or I guess you could say FWBs. This guy is 34, has no job, and looks like a gangster (tattoos, piercings, etc.) I looked him up and he got a DUI last year. His presence makes me uncomfortable to be honest.
To be fair, my boyfriend also spends the night regularly, and is around the same age (33). However, my boyfriend is a grad student at our college, and we are in a committed relationship for over a year. Chris is a random guy with no connection to our college, who she is not even officially dating.
Melissa says I have a double standard, but I think this is a different situation entirely. AITA?
YTA. Yes, you have a double standard. Either you both get to bring guys over or neither of you do.
YTA. Your situation really isn’t different than your roommate‘s – I’m going to bet your lease says neither of you should be having overnight guests with any regularity. And you don’t get to define her relationship.
If a 30+ year old guy is into someone your age, there is something very wrong with that guy. He went out with someone who couldn’t drink yet as a 32 year old. That is so gross. I have to say ESH as both these dudes are sus AF
Do both of these 30+ year old ‘men’ you young ladies are seeing not have places you guys could go to? You would think at that age they would both have their own places.
Who are you, the morality police?
But he has TATTOOS!
YTA
Nothing you mentioned has anything to do with you. Your roommate is right, these are double standards. You sound snobby and hypocritical.
So you’re basically a hypocrite because you have an issue with who SHES seeing when you’re seeing someone who is around the same age? Grow tf up woman
YTA and said with love as a 31 year old who was in grad school recently and surrounded by (and supervising) kids your age…. MAJOR side eye to your bf. The gap between myself and the 21 year old undergrads felt massive. Yes they are intelligent, often emotionally mature, etc. but they genuinely both looked and felt like babies to me. It’s strange he wouldn’t try to date women his age, particularly as in grad school there are probably many.
I mean… yeah, YTA. It’s got nothing to do with either person’s occupation or history, it’s just that you can’t have veto power on her guests without her having the same power on yours. You don’t get to say she can’t have someone overnight and then argue that your boyfriend should be allowed no matter what she says.
Side note, I won’t dispute that her guy sounds sketchy but also “he’s a grad student at my school” isn’t the defense you think it is. As a grad student myself I’ll point out that grad students are more likely to have power over undergrads as TAs etc. With a guy with no connection to the college it’s sketchy if he’s coming to campus to meet 21-year-olds but that doesn’t mean I trust the guy who *is* connected to the college here.
As someone who was once a grad student, dating undergrads from your school is so skeevy. My husband (who holds a PhD) felt the same way when he was in grad school. It’s not much better than profs who date students.
YTA. So you’re judging him off his past and how he looks? How do you know your boyfriend doesn’t make her uncomfortable?
YTA. End of.
YTA you sound like you think she’s trashy( thus your “discomfort”) for dating a 30 year old, but you aren’t. Is your bf richer? She might be uncomfortable by your bf! Did you ask her?