My (29F) best friend since high school "Mia" (30F) is getting married in June. She asked me to be a bridesmaid last year and I said yes. When she sent the save the dates, she included a plus-one for me. I’ve been dating my boyfriend "Alex" (31M) for 18 months, he’s met her multiple times, we double date with her and her fiancé, everyone gets along great.
Two weeks ago she texted the group chat saying she had to cut costs and was revoking all plus-ones except for spouses/fiancés. I asked privately if Alex could still come since he’s basically my long-term partner and she’s known him forever. She said no, "it’s only immediate family now" and that single people get to bring dates but couples don’t need them.
I told her that felt unfair and hurtful, especially since she’s met him dozens of times and called him "part of the crew." She got defensive, said weddings are expensive and she’s prioritizing "actual family." I said if Alex isn’t welcome, I won’t come either, I’ll send a gift and congrats from afar.
Now she’s telling mutual friends I’m making her wedding about me, being dramatic, and "ruining our friendship over a guy." Some friends are siding with her ("it’s her day"), others say she’s being cheap and exclusionary.
AITA for standing my ground?
Wait I’m confused — she’s revoking all plus ones but single people get to bring dates?
That’s the part that’s driving me nuts too, her “logic” is single = +1 allowed, but established couple = no +1 because “you already have each other.” It’s giving ” rules for thee but not for me” vibes.
You already have each other? Huh?? Is she trying to do some singles speed dating at her wedding or something?
How many people are getting their invite revoked? Seems like a really weird rule
I was going to yes until you said you’ve been together for 1.5years that’s really inconsiderate of her to uninvite him. Does she not like him? Also I feel like you being a bridesmaid or maid of honor should be an exception since you’re literally having to be there for her
NTA. If he’s been part of the friend group for 18 months, uninviting him last minute is bound to feel personal.
Alex shouldn’t be a plus one. He should be a named guest.
I’ve never heard of someone saying single people get dates but couples don’t get invited together. WTF kind of twisted ass logic is that?
As you are a bridesmaid, if you choose not to go, you may lose this friendship. Only you can decide if that’s worth it.
NTA though.
Well, if he’s in your boyfriend, that means you are technically single so you get a date. It sounds to me like she just thought she could take advantage of your friendship or what you’ve already invested in being a bridesmaid and that you wouldn’t make a fuss. It’s ok to stand up for yourself.
NTA, but don’t keep talking about it to her or anybody else, just quietly do your plan of sending gifts etc. You might want to just say , once, that of course she can exercise her choice to cut people partners ( he’s not a plus one, those are for people without partners so they don’t feel isolated) and you have the choice not to attend.
I’m a bit confused about this. What determines if you are “single”?
Like I’ve been on weddings where the wedding party has strictly said “no +1s unless you’re together”, that is, married. But in this case, wouldn’t you be considered single unless you’re engaged?
NTA. Sure, sometimes you have to cut costs. And I could justify this if you were just a regular guest and your partner was someone the couple barely knew. This is totally different. If Mia really had to cut down on guests, she should’ve figured it out with the general invitees, not the bridal party’s significant others. Alex is your longtime boyfriend that Mia already knows and gets along with; as a bridesmaid especially, you have every right to have him there. Also, with all the different costs that weddings involve, I’m gonna assume Mia could’ve “cut costs” in other areas instead of uninviting your boyfriend. Also… how could she possibly say “single people get to bring dates” after all that???
This is really weird, single people get to bring a random plus one, married couples both invited, not married and in a relationship = no plus one. This does not make any sense at all. She’d rather have random people at her wedding rather than couples she knows. This is not “actual family”
I’m confused single people get a plus 1. People in relationships don’t because she’s cutting costs.
This chick is crazy
NTA
NTA. Uninviting a long-term partner last minute makes it reasonable for you to decline too.