EDIT: I will say, thinking back, each time something serious was happening that got her "curious", she had a huge smile on her face. Like, esp when I got the piece of mail from the county. She seemed a little too excited something might be wrong.
I (30F) live with my roommate (mid 20s F) who is also supposed to be one of my best friends.
Two weeks ago I was working from the kitchen table because my room was basically unusable until the landlord could come fix a window issue. I got a random meeting invite from my manager and said out loud that I was going to go into my room to take the call privately. I even joked “watch me be getting fired,” but it was genuinely just a joke and I had no real reason to think that would actually happen.
My roommate immediately said “I want to hear it!” When I told her no and said I wanted privacy, she kept insisting and said “no stay out here please I want to hear it please!!!” I told her no again and went into my room and shut the door.
The bathroom fan was running and creating some white noise, which actually made me feel relieved because I thought it would give me some privacy. I even had a quick thought like “she might try to poke around my door to listen, but she wouldn’t actually turn the fan off just to hear better.”
But that is exactly what she did. She got up, turned the fan off, and cracked my bedroom door open slightly to listen to the call.
The call ended up being my manager firing me. I had recently come back from medical leave and they said they were letting me go because of a single additional absence after that leave. I was already completely caught off guard and trying to process what was happening. While this was happening I could literally see her eye through the crack in the door watching and listening. I was so distracted and embarrassed knowing she was standing there that I completely froze. I didn’t defend myself or ask questions because all I could focus on was the fact that she was literally watching and listening.
As soon as the call ended she immediately came into my room apologizing and trying to hug me, even though she hadn’t even given me two seconds to process what had just happened.
This also isn’t the only time she has done something like this. Later I got a piece of mail from the county and I was worried it might be something serious. My heart dropped when I saw it. She immediately said “lemme see lemme see!!!” and I told her no, I need to see it first. It ended up just being my Medicaid approval, but at the time I had no idea what it was.
Another time we were sitting in her car when a recruiter called me and ended up interviewing me on the spot, and she kept asking who it was and telling me to turn up the volume so she could hear while I was literally trying to interview.
The reason I’m conflicted is because she knows I’ve been through a lot. I recently escaped my abusive family, survived cancer, and now my dog who is my only family has cancer. I’ve been very depressed lately and she says she’s just concerned about me.
So I’m wondering if this is genuine concern or if this level of listening in and needing to know everything is actually crossing boundaries.
AITA for being upset about this?
NTA. She is being intrusive and disrespectful. This has nothing to do with her being concerned about you.
She is freaking nosy. It doesn’t seem like she has any social boundaries. Get into her business and see how she likes it. My mom was nosy, but she would not act like your roommate. Plus, mom was actually concerned. Sorry she has added one more thing to your burdens. NTA
NTA she is absolutely crossing boundaries and seems like she’s enjoying it too? Care is more like asking if you wanna talk, giving you time and help to process things, or trying to make you feel better, not butting into your private calls or mail
Danger Will Robinson danger