Okay so recently my friends and I decided to go to a multi day festival with just the four of us, so we decided to book a 4 man glamping tent which is a bit more expensive than regular tents but it comes with 2 mattresses which we wanted.
Anyway literally 1 day before the event she decides to cancel and tells us she’s not really in the mood to go anymore which is fine but then she also said she isn’t going to pay for anything because obviously she isn’t going to be paying for something she isn’t going to.
Now this really annoyed all three of us because why the fuck wouldn’t she tell us earlier because if she told us 2 weeks earlier we could have reorganized our bookings, So I called her up and told her how unfair it is that we now have to pay extra and that she should still be covering the costs but then she had a meltdown saying that it’s not fair because she doesn’t want to go anymore and she wants to save money now.
But honestly I don’t care because she could have told us at anytime but she wanted to leave it till the last day and now my other two friends are saying I should have have made her cry and understand where she is coming from.
NTA. the whole i’m not going so i’m not paying argument would only be fair if she was uninvited or had informed everyone in time for you guys to rebook. Flaking on your friends last minute is unacceptable
NTA. She can change her mind whenever she wants but not at your expense. If she would have made the booking individually, she would have had to pay for it even if chose not to go, so the same rules apply here.
Having said that, its possible she may chose to come to the trip if you insist on her paying and then she WILL ruin it for everyone.
Do you think there’s a way you can meet her in the middle? Maybe discount it a bit for her like she pays 50-60% only and you all split the rest for the peace of your mind?
Honestly if she went about it properly and apologized I would have been very open to that idea but I don’t really want to if she is going to just expect us to do it and get upset when we don’t
Surely you all would have already paid. I don’t understand.
Nah she said she was going to pay on the Thursday after the event because that’s when she got paid
But everybody else had already paid?
You’re NTA. People should honor their commitments and not cause their friends to be out of pocket just because they changed their mind. Even if she had a good reason, something more than “I don’t feel like it”, she should honor her commitment anyway.
However:
\* Your friendship with her is in trouble no matter what happens. This conflict can only end in one of three ways: Either you will insist she honors her side of the deal and she will keep refusing and you will continue to be angry with her, OR she will pay up but simmer with resentment forever and tell everyone what a meanie you are, OR you will give in and say she doesn’t have to pay but YOU will simmer with resentment forever. Whenever money conflicts come between friends, it’s never good for the friendship.
\* Learn from this experience. Next time you’re planning something with friends that’s going to require a large financial outlay, don’t just hope that people will do the right thing. Set out the exact terms upfront. What happens if someone changes their mind and wants to back out? What happens if someone gets sick or has a family emergency and can’t go? What will this mean for the others? What if this happens beyond the non-refundable period? Think of everything that could possibly go wrong, work out what you’re going to do in the event of that happening, and **get everyone’s agreement,** in writing if you think it necessary. If you’d done that, you wouldn’t have an issue. You could quite reasonably say to her “These were the terms you agreed to, so you owe us your share of the money”.
In fact, I suspect she would have suddenly found she was in the mood after all, because she wouldn’t want to pay that money for nothing.
Yeah next time we ever organize anything like this I’m going to ask people to put in for it as I pay for it and not just trust everyone to pay me back after but yeah I could have definitely gone about this in a smarter way
NTA. Canceling the day before and expecting to pay nothing is not how shared bookings work. She committed to a cost, left it too late for you to adjust, and now the three of you absorb her share. Wanting to save money is fine, not at the expense of people who planned around you.
She owes. End of story.
NTA.
If you commit to going, you’re on the hook for the money. If you can’t make it, you’re responsible for it anyway unless you can work out some sort of arrangement with the other people, which usually requires some advanced notice. I have some sympathy and might be forgiving if it was “I can’t go because I got into a car accident and I’m in the hospital”, but I have NONE for “I don’t wanna go” at the last minute.
In the end, what she SHOULD do and what she’ll actually do are two different things, but don’t ever let this person put you in this position again. Money up front or they’re out. You are all probably going to have to eat the cost unless you can find someone at the last minute.