yesterday at around 7pm i got a text message from a friend asking how i’m doing
i awnsered that message today, at 2pm. now he is mad.
i admit that i read the message at the time and didn’t have anything else going on. i definitly had the time to awnser. but its kind of a loaded question i didn’t feel like awnsering that day. thats why i waited until today.
Is this ***really*** something that needs to be asked on AITA?
In case you’re a young teen: Answer whenever the fuck you want. Different people have different times they prefer to be answered by. Find friends that are similar to you.
NTA. Personally, I dislike folks who see text messages as time sensitive. You don’t have instant access to my time. Ever.
NTA obviously
If they really needed to talk then they should’ve called you.
NTA I hate how everyone feels so damn entitled to anyone else’s time. Immediate replies expected, ridiculous. It doesn’t matter if you were busy or not. Use your time however you want.
NTA. He needs to get over himself. You don’t need to spend 24/7 being available to answer a message.
NTA, he’s not a good friend. That is an unreasonable expectation, unless there was a time constraint. If it was anything other than “do you want to hang out tonight” then you absolutely do not have to respond immediately
NTA…Texts are not a summons. You answer when you have the time and inclination. If it’s an emergency they can call.
Answer immediately. How dare you put him on read whilst living your life.
“Well I’m taking a dump at the moment. It’s got a great consistency. Not too hard. Not too soft.
I’m just back from walking the dog, he pooped too.
Work was good. I enjoyed my dinner. Hopefully, tomorrow will be as good or better.”
NTA.
THEN, CALL him immediately, pour water in the toilet to emulate the sound of pissing.
Keep talking thru the flush, and hand washing. Then talk about nothing for about twenty minutes.
Bet if you do this more than twice, he’ll not care so much about an immediate answer.
NTA
I’m not getting paid to be on call at every waking moment.
There was an interesting video about how in the 90’s someone carrying a cellphone around everywhere was seen as an immediate way to show they had a high stress job. Like in movies you could just show that and the audience would immediately know the character was supposed to be stressed. Now that is considered the default and people expect you to have an “excuse” to justify not being available.
It has been a mental shift for me to decide that I won’t let that be my default. I won’t be apologizing for setting boundaries for what time belongs to me and leaving my phone behind to take a walk doesn’t require some sort of announcement or justification
I wonder if this friend is projecting their own expectations on to you, like they have been pressured into immediate responses and now get offended by people who don’t “have to” be on call like them.
Or maybe it’s an anxiety issue. Sometimes when someone reads and doesn’t respond it can feel like the silence is angry or tense. That doesn’t make you obligated to respond faster but maybe communicate with them if this was that problem. If a good friend told me they were dealing with this I would probably offer a compromise like sending an emoji when I see something from them and then responding with more when I have the mental space for socializing
Your phone is not an electronic leash. It is for *your* convenience.
You do not owe anyone an automatic response. NTA
NTA, like most commenters, here.
The thing I find very ironic is that he asked “how are you doing?”.
But what matters to him is that you satisfied his need for an immediate response. What apparently doesn’t seem to matter to him is:
The fact that your emotion/headspace was not in a communicative mood last evening/night. If he cared how you were doing, he might instead ask if you are doing OK. If he’s a good friend, he would respect your answer (just needed some down-time/time to yourself or yeah, you’ve got some stuff on your mind) AND he would respect that you don’t owe him sharing everything you are experiencing or dealing with.