I need to know if I would be the asshole if I attended a 3 day music event, with my brother & my Dad where there is alcohol.
I (35f), have been with my boyfriend (m32) for 2 years and we have definitely had lots of ups and downs during that time.
Prior to meeting him, I went to a 3 day music event with my baby brother every year. Last year I did not go as we were fighting and he did not "trust" me to go alone, as he thought I would cheat on him. I have never cheated on him nor given him reason to think so. He even has full access to my phone whenever he wants. In the end to keep the peace I did not go and my brother went with someone else.
He told me he would never stop me from going ever again and really appreciated that I put our relationship first last year. It is now that time to go again. I even bought him a ticket this year, for him to go with a friend, so although I was there, he would come too. Our seats are next to each other for the evening portion of the event. My Dad and a family friend are also joining us this year, so it will be a group of 6.
He has not invited a friend to go and has told me we should just snuggle up for the weekend vs going. He talks like that has been decided. I did say at one point, when we were arguing about going, I wasn’t sure if I could afford to go, but that is because anytime we do anything I pay for us both and I am not sure I can pay for 2. I can for myself. We have been arguing a lot recently, so he does not want to spend time with my family, which he kinda wouldn’t if he brought a friend. Our accommadation is also seperate.
I want to go, but know that if I do, it is likely the end of the relationship. I do love him, but I also do not want to resent him and stop doing the things that I love and bring me join.
Would I be the asshole if I went?? He is saying no woman attends these types of things when they are in a relationship and I am the wierd one.
INFO: why are you dating this person? I do things solo or without my partner all the time because a) that’s normal and healthy; b) we trust one another; and c) he’s secure in himself and doesn’t need to control me to feel like a big strong boy,
NTA. Going to a music event with your brother and dad is a completely normal thing to do, especially when it’s something you’ve been doing for years. You even tried to include him by buying him a ticket so he could go with a friend, which shows you were trying to compromise.
The bigger issue here is that he doesn’t trust you even though you’ve never given him a reason not to. Saying that “no woman in a relationship goes to events like that” is honestly controlling and not realistic. Healthy relationships don’t require someone to give up things they enjoy or avoid their family just to keep the peace.
If attending a weekend event with your own family would end the relationship, that says more about the relationship than it does about you. You shouldn’t have to shrink your life just to make someone else feel secure.
Run! He is controlling. Last year he manipulated you into breaking a family tradition. He swore he would never make the request again.
But you let him plant his flag last year and here you are again. This is only going to get worse. He’s not just stopping a music festival, he is going after a bond with your brother and dad. That’s isolating
Step one in the abuse cycle: isolate and separate you from your support system.