For context, I have a 10 month old baby who hates the car seat and can last about 20 minutes in it before completely losing it and me having to stop over to give him a break. My husband and I also had to cancel a camping trip with this friend, let’s call her Amanda, for next weekend because his job wasn’t able to move his training after all.
My husband is out of town this week and I reached out to Amanda on Monday to ask if my baby and I could visit her either Thursday or Friday. She was excited, but said she’s not currently at her house (which is 30 minutes from us), that she’s currently house sitting but we could totally visit her there instead. She listed out all of the things we could do, including walking to a nearby market, etc. She ended her msg saying she could send me the address of the house so I could check it out and see if it’ll work for us.
I replied with “would totally be down for that!”
I didn’t receive a response. I texted her Tuesday about a payment for an Airbnb we have booked coming out, reminding her about the funds. She thanked me for reminding her and that was the end of that convo.
Wednesday evening she texts me the location to the house she’s staying at and the places we could go and when I pull up the address I see it’s an hour away. At this point I don’t text back, which I know is where I dropped the ball and I should have communicated my thought process because at this point nothing else has been confirmed. Date or time.
I’m still trying to make it work on my end and I ask my brother if he could get off early on Friday so that he can ride with me so that my baby isn’t going crazy in the back. He won’t have an answer until this morning, which is Thursday.
Fast forward, she follows up today and I then follow up with my brother to which he tells me he cannot because it’s short notice. I communicate this to her and it upsets her.
She asked that I “please let her know when I find out stuff before she’s having to confirm the day before” and that she had to reschedule a personal appointment to make this work and she’s hurt that I’m having to cancel plans again. To sum up her message, she was basically saying I was being inconsiderate. Which I may have been, but my dilemma is that I don’t think it’s all on me.
I replied to her that from my end our conversation didn’t have any confirmation on whether or not we were hanging out Thursday or Friday or what the address would be and that I tried reaching out with ample time to coordinate all of these details. I know I should have followed up and I told her I would do better next time in doing so.
So AITA or is this just a case of poor communication?
look, you both dropped the ball on communication. she never confirmed a date, you never followed up when the address changed everything. nobodys the villain here, just two people who assumed instead of confirming. with a 10 month old, shit happens
**(NAH)**
Poor communication but come on, your kid can’t do an hour car ride? You pulling over to coddle him bc he hates a car ride is only reinforcing that he can scream and yell to make things he doesn’t like stop. It would be good for the kid to go on longer rides (more than an hr but an hr would be a good start). If you aren’t careful you will raise a kid who can’t self soothe and turns into a nightmare of an adult.. then you would be TA
ETA: NAH
\^\^\^Yep. All of this.
OP has to get the kid used to being in a car. They can’t scream forever, and you can’t tailor your life around tantrums. (I speak from experience.)
thiiiiiisss… OP YTA …. get a grip on reality. Let the kid cry it out and wear extra booby pads
YTA, but it’s an easy save. Apologize and let her know you’re in a rough time with the baby and were trying to make it work still because you enjoy spending time with her but you realize you dropped the ball and are sorry for not being more communicative. Agree to work on communication in future and thank her for giving you the opportunity to.
NAH. It’s just poor communication. Most people wouldn’t expect than an hour drive is really any different than 30 minutes, so she had no reason to think that you needed the address that far in advance, especially when she’d mentioned some other stuff around that should have given you context to the general area.
Having kids sounds awful ngl
YTA for pulling over. Now your baby knows how to get yiu to stop. Mine hated the car too for a few months. Oh well. I had to get to grocery stores and appointments.
1000%
My son haaaaaated the car; we still had to go to daycare, we still visited family, life went on.
YTA, you’re overextending yourself and making all of these processes way too busy and complicated. I don’t blame your friend for being frustrated with you. Put your fomo on hold and take a break from making plans until you can manage a longer car ride.
you need to learn how to be able to drive alone with a baby in your car. Each of my kids were different. One loved the car, the other hated it. I, as an adult, learned how to deal with it because it was necessary that I be able to drive alone a minimum of 1.5 each way with two kids in the car on a weekly basis.
Light YTA. It’s poor communication but it’s on your end and that’s what you’re the (minor) asshole for. Where you went wrong is you agreed to the plan initially, without finding out where the house was. Knowing your issue, you should have asked the location before agreeing, or said you’re down for it IF it’s within X distance, or if you can get someone to come with you etc.
YTA for pulling over when your kid cries and scheduling around this nonsense.
YTA
Mom here, of a previously fussy car baby. Kids are gonna kid, and you can’t expect *everyone* to make their lives about *your* baby.
You accepted plans. You didn’t tell her earlier “I can’t do that”. So yeah, you’re the asshole here.
The issue is, if you keep canceling or changing plans, eventually when bubs isn’t a car monster anymore, you won’t have anyone to make plans with