We have been friends since last July. We both have a lot in common and thats why he trusts me so much. The main thing is that we both have major depression. But something that bothers me is how much he keeps talking about it.
For the past couple months he has been talking to me about how everyone is against him and how everyone judges him on everything. He keeps talking about how traumatized he is from 2024 and how he has nightmares about it.
One time he was venting about something that made me very worried for his safety, so I told him to talk to a professional but he said I was the only one he trusted. This has been taking a toll on me, especially since I have my own problems. Its gotten to a point where I feel like im only his friend so he can have someone to vent to.
Recently I’ve been trying to build the courage to confront him about it. But im scared that it would be disregarding his feelings. Would I?
you definitely wouldn’t be the asshole for setting boundaries. it’s great that you want to be there for your friend, but your mental health matters too. maybe suggest he talk to a pro alongside being a supportive buddy; that might balance things out.
No man your boundaries are more important than a friendship NTA
NTA, you too have similar problems and its sweet that you want to help and that you worry but if you spend all your time listening to him, it will drain you and make your mental health worse. also, push him to get help a couple times more- you being the only person he trust might lead to pretty unsafe situations for you AND him
NTA “I care about you and I’m worried that I don’t have the professional skills you need to help you with your depression. It’s also hard to listen to every day because I also have my own depression. I’d like to help you find a counselor who’s trained in treating depression.“ If he argues then keep repeating, “Dude, I’m not a therapist,” and, “I need to take care of my own depression.”
You have the right to take care of yourself, too.
This is very well worded. It respects him, shows that you care at the same time expressing your own needs.
NTA – for setting boundaries. You have got your own situation already on your shoulders and sure it’s nice to let someone lean on yours when they need it, but he’s dumping ALL of his own situations on your shoulders too, you saying he should speak to a professional was the right move too, and he really should no matter the reason he says.
You worrying about him because what he is telling you, isn’t letting you look after yourself.
I’m not particularly proud of this, but I ended a friendship because the way her mental illness manifested triggered my mental illness. You need to do what is best for you. As the saying goes, don’t set your hair on fire to keep someone else warm. NTA
Like I always say, remember the airplane instructions. The oxygen mask goes on you first, and then you can help others.
NTA. I can’t listen to vents anymore either. I’ve got enough on my plate already.
NTA. Venting to friends is helpful, but ONLY if it’s equal (at least over the course of a relationship, it’s fine if you’re going through something temporary and hard to lean on friends to get through that but they need to know they can do the same and it can not be your ONLY support over years)
NTA
some people are inherently self centered. Selfish people can struggle too. Selfish people don’t contribute to the wellbeing of their relationships. They use. You can set boundaries but the outcomes are likely that they will either turn on you and find someone else, or be entirely rejecting of it. Give them an opportunity, and if they cannot have a healthy conversation about it, then you should move on. You are who you surround yourself with.
It’s one of the main points on R U OK day, if you aren’t ready to hear the answer, don’t ask R U OK. But he seems to just be ok with hoping you’re able to hear him. Setting boundaries in friendships is a must, especially when you’re struggling. I really hope things get better for you and if this friendship is more of a drain on you than it is filling your cup, it might be best to end the friendship. NTA