For background, my sister has 3 children who are 4, 3 and 1 years old. I myself have a 2 year old only, so I do not claim to know how hard it is to have three young kids to raise at the same time.
However, my sister is constantly at the end of her rope mentally and seems extremely stressed, tired, overwhelmed and quick to anger. Her husband and her are more often than not either bickering or just straight up arguing. I am there to witness their daily life quite often, because I’m trying to help with babysitting when my sister studies or her husband is away for a work trip out of town.
The issue I have brought up to my sister is her rage fits. When the kids are not listening, are arguing or act up, she often starts shouting at them. She says things like ”get dressed or I will pin you down and do it by force. I am stronger than you and you will not be able to move a muscle” or ”do what I say and stop whining, I don’t want to hear your voice” and ”if you don’t listen, I will put you outside”. The last one was bad, because we live in a cold climate and it was freezing and snowy. She actually did that once, but I went to bring the kid back inside immidiately, because he was not dressed for it. She regretted it immidiately and consolled her child, but in my opinion the damage was already done emotionally.
I told my sister she is ruining their childhoods by being so stressed, angry and mean to them. I said that she needs to change her behaviour before it’s too late and her kids mental and emotional well being is irreparably broken. On one hand she acknowleges that her outbursts are wrong and can be a good mother when things are going well. On the other hand she refuses to see that she and her husband are far too stressed and incapable to act like they should in tougher moments.
My sister got mad and told meI have no right to critisise her parenting and it is the most deeply hurtful thing you can say to a mother. I can understand that, but the children are living in an environment of constant chaos and I couldn’t just keep quiet.
No adult in her family unit agree with me and are saying they are just fine.
EDIT: My sister occasionally sees how bad things are and once contacted CPS herself for help, but didn’t really get any. So I’m wondering if us relatives doing it will maybe help if there are more reports and concerns brought up
So AITA?