I had these friends that I was really close friends with in high school but we were no longer as close as a result of a conflict. At the time, we had resolved the conflict and I wanted to make an effort to be closer friends again, knowing we wouldn’t ever be at the same point the past again, but wanted to try to be closer than we currently were so asked them to be my bridesmaids.
The conflict itself was also a whole another story but alas I choose to move past that. I invited them all over and did a surprise bridesmaid invitation party and outlined to them that it was COMPLETELY optional. To be bridesmaids and if they choose to say yes it would be a big commitment potentially financially and time wise. They all said yes.
That was a 1 year and 3 month-ish out from the wedding and later that year one of them got engaged! I was super excited for them even though they subsequently started to say they couldn’t do some of the bridesmaid things and eventually 2/3 demoted themselves.
I understood priorities change and I wasn’t really upset that they were no longer bridesmaids.
Cut to 3 months before the wedding, I get a text from the one remaining bridesmaid that she would no longer be able to make it because the bridesmaid who had got engaged scheduled her wedding across the world during the SAME WEEK as my wedding and they were leaving a day before my main events.
Then the bridesmaid who had just got engaged proceeded to call 2 of my other bridesmaids to invite them to her wedding. She didn’t tell me any information about not making it to my wedding but invited them. She didn’t say anything to me that day but the next day gave me her wedding dates and invited me to her wedding and once there was response I wouldn’t make it she FINALLY let me know she wouldn’t make it to my wedding.
I understand we all are busy especially with planning a wedding but she avoided telling me she wouldn’t be at my wedding main events, choose to buy tickets to her destination wedding when she could’ve made both weddings if she just bought later tickets citing that she wanted to spend more days for her wedding if she could(this was told to me from one of my friends she invited) and she didn’t even take time to explain to me why she choose those specific dates or express remorse she couldn’t come and how this all played out terribly.
We are Hindu so I understand there are specific dates a couple can get married but I know the priest does not only provide one date since I went through this process. Furthermore her plan was to still attend my mendhi event when she clearly did not care about attending my wedding. So I sent her message saying I was disappointed and hurt with how she choose to play out everything and that she was uninvited from all of my events and should not be at my mendhi.
She then sent me a long message saying I was selfish and only cared about myself and was being petty and childish?
I really don’t understand why she feels this way?
NOT TO MENTION SHE TOOK 3 of my bridesmaids as a result of her destination wedding being the same week.
Sounds like they uninvited themselves. NTA
honestly, it sounds like a super messy situation. you tried to be understanding, but she kinda played you by not being upfront about her wedding plans. you’re not the AH for wanting your big day to be special with people who truly care to show up.
Definitely NTA, seems she only wants to get mehndi if you ask me!
NTA i think you know that already, they’re not truly your friends and regardless of the messy situation, your feelings are valid and don’t make you an AH
It may be my fault, I need more sleep right now, but I’m not following this. What I gathered was that these people all told you they aren’t coming to your wedding, so I don’t know why you are asking about uninviting them.
What a mess! I have no idea if youre an AH cuz i dont know what kind of demands you placed on them as bridesmaids BUT your former bridesmaids suck and are all rude af! Sorry they seem to have made a point of not choosing you but they seem good candidates to be former friends.
I had family have their wedding the exact same day as mine, possibly because i didnt invite them to mine. I would say it could have been a coincidence but i got married on a Friday.
NTA as much as it sucks not having friends with you during the wedding. Life gave you a gift of showing who exactly not to carry in your new life moving forward.
Block them all they made their choice. Enjoy the heck out of your wedding and find better friends after you settle into your new life.
So she wanted you to pay for the henna she wanted for her wedding? NTA
Literally. Such gross behaviour.
Seems like planning her wedding the same week as yours was the AH thing to do. That seems completely unnecessary, avoidable, and thoughtless. Obviously it would impact you. Looking at Hindu dates, seems like she had options.
NTA
Those women aren’t your friends. Sorry.