Hey all. My partner and I are in the process of trying to adopt a cat and have an application in for a cat in a foster. We absolutely adore the cat, and he is perfect for our home. We have a meeting time set to get everything with the foster sorted out and then bring him home. Today, I got a message from the foster telling me she has fallen in love with the cat and wants to try to do a foster fail. We likely still have priority as we’re adopters and she signed up as a foster. But I feel unbelievably guilty about taking the cat from her if she loves him. If I do it, AITA? Thanks!
Cat is safe and loved and adapted to the environment. Let it stay there.
nta but i feel like the foster people should have priority if they wish to keep the cat
I mean if it were me, as nothing an avid cat lover and rescuer/fosterer. I’d be inclined to look for another cat there are so many desperate for homes, I’d likely try a shelter I know is not a no kill as then I’m 100% saving a life! Either way you are within your rights to continue for the cat you’ve chosen good luck either way!
Personally I would look for a different cat, I mean obviously you can do either option here they only reason I say this is because the cat is probably already comfortable with that person and in that environment. I would want to get one that needs a loving home and is living in a shelter, and it sounds like this cat already has that. NTA because you obviously care about the cat and about hurting the fosters feelings or you wouldn’t be asking.
Soft YTA
Fosters are incredible volunteers….although I don’t know what foster fail is? I imagine that the organization will decide? Just be upfront with the foster and that you want the cat but won’t stay in her way if she wants to try and adopt or whatever. If she’s committed. And cat has already created a home there, to some degree. Better to stay if she can?
Foster Fail means the foster/family fell in love with the animal, they “failed” to stay objective. It happens all the time.
OP – you may have the right to push for the adoption but YWBTA if you did.
I don’t think you are the ahole, but the foster should absolutely have priority. Our local shelter gives foster family priority and if someone wants to adopt, they won’t even take an application until speaking with the foster family. Why would you move the cat from a foster family that has already adjusted to it if they want it and are footing the bills (at least where we live) for its care already?
If you have only put in an application and haven’t met the cat, the nice thing to do would be to let the foster keep the cat. You aren’t wrong to feel hurt by this.
I’ll tell you that when I was going to adopt my first cat I fell IN LOVE with this kitty at the shelter named “snarf”. I started to get really mentally attached but when I went back a week later to get her someone else had already adopted her. I was sad and waited a few months before I went back to a different shelter to look at kitties. I ended up finding my current boy and he is my soul cat that I wouldn’t trade for the world. This may be a sign from the universe!
Think about the cat first I’d say. Cats choose their people. If the cat is happy and the human is happy I think YWBTA for not stepping back.
I’ve read about people who give their cat to a neighbour because the cat loved the neighbours more. It sucks but imo your feelings are secondary to the cat’s. Obviously we don’t have the cat’s perspective but I assume it must be happy if the human is saying they want to keep her.
NTA but there are SO many cats out there looking for forever homes. It also appears that the cat and the foster have bonded already. It seems unjust to take the cat away from a stable home where they are wanted and cared for.
NAH
Understandable that you would still want the cat
Having foster failed on two cats myself it’s also understandable that she would want to keep it, although she should have decided that before you fell in love with it – it shouldn’t have been available for adoption if she had any doubt, but that’s water under the bridge at this point
I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer to your dilemma
However, I’d venture a guess that between the two people in love with the cat, tho one who has been living with it the past several weeks is probably more in love
If seems like it would be easier for you to shift your affection to a different cat, than for her
Also, this cat no longer needs a home, and there are plenty that do
Good luck, sounds like it will be heart-breaking for one of you and that’s too bad – getting a cat should be a joyous thing
If you feel “unbelievably guilty” then don’t do it. There are many wonderful cats out there that need a home.
NTA, but let this person keep the cat.
NAH – You want a cat, she wants to keep the cat. Luckily there are enough cats in need of homes that you can both have one.
NTA, but cats generally don’t like changing homes once they are comfortable. Unless it’s some sort of rare purebred, you could check for another cat just like them that’s in a cage in a shelter. Up to you.