I, 28 Female has a friend W, 33 Male who has a serious drinking problem. I have known W for. 6 years, going on 7 years in April. Ever since I met W, he was always a heavy drinker. He would drink about 15 to 20 shots a night and a couple of mixed drinks on the side. The problem is when W drinks, he becomes like a new person, and he becomes an A hole to our friends. our friends have came to me and talked about it several times because I have new W the longest, and I always tell them that he always drinks like this since I became friends with him. Every time I try to talk to W my concerns about his drinking, he always makes excuses and tries to blame everybody else his favorite excuse to use is he’s a German and Irish. His drinking has gotten to the point to where I’m getting tired of his drinking every night. majority of our friends in our friend group doesn’t want to be around him anymore because he’s always calling them "fake" for distancing themselves from him. I myself used to drink heavy, just like him, but I have slowed down as I got older, I tried to tell him about his drinking and he either makes excuses or just sweep it under the rug like it’s nothing. every time I try to tell him I’m worried about his health and. drinking problems, he thinks I’m turning against him and tries to play the victim and make it like it’s my fault. I am also slowly distancing myself from him as well. lately, I guess W has found a new drinking friend, and he rarely talks to me anymore. AITA for telling my friend about his drinking problems as I am a concerned friend?
NTA
Guy needs a therapist and alcoholics anonymous group. Nothing you or your friends can do for him besides getting on his ass about it. The only thing that will get him to stop is a huge scare at this point.
NTA but don’t you know anything about alcoholics? Telling them about their drinking is like a pointless task and they’re not going to clean up their act because you said they should. They’re going to go into defense mode and take their issues out on their accuser. The best course of action is to walk away. He has a new friend and has distanced himself from you because you represent a reality he’s not ready to face, if ever. Cut ties and move on.
NTA for trying to talk to him about his drinking, but it was unlikely to be effective. Alcoholics are infamous for their ability to ignore advice and even worse results of their drinking (like losing their friends).
There is no point lecturing an alcoholic until they’re ready to stop. A waste of times
What a nice concerned friend you are.
NTA. But take it from me that you and everyone he knows could tell him what he doesn’t want to hear, and all he’d do is just move on to talk to those who won’t discuss the elephant in the room. He’s not going to listen until he’s ready to hear, and sometimes that requires hitting rock bottom.
You can’t save him until and unless he’s ready to be saved. Tell him, if you like, that you’re there for him when he wants help, and then let it go until he does. That’s really all you can do. If you need to distance yourself until that time, you’re allowed – and maybe even saving yourself from getting drawn back in to heavy drinking. He’s already showing you that the only thing he wants from the friends he keeps are drinking partners. That won’t change until HE wants it to change enough to commit to it and reach out for help.
I’m sorry, and I hope one day you get your friend back.
NTA.
But you can’t help those who don’t want to be helped. Better to start to cut that person out of your life and move on. At some point he’s either going to kill himself or someone else, drink himself to an early death, or come to understand that he needs to change and get help. But you’ve done all you can at this point.
NTA but you need to accept that you cannot change your friend or make him get sober. You might find Al-anon helpful, it is intended for the families and loved ones of alcoholics/addicts.
Nta but there’s absolutely nothing you can do or say to an alcoholic, just remove yourself and see if he makes his way back to you someday
NTA.
While some countries do tend to drink more than others, they can still have an issue with alcohol. Some places it’s just more socially acceptable to drink more. If it’s impacting his life negatively in anyway, it’s an issue.
You cannot make him see the light. You can set boundaries for yourself-which involve things you are in control of, such as “if you start saying mean things about me or my friends, I will not stay in that conversation.” You can choose to accept him and detach from the drinking, or you can choose to move on and find more fulfilling friendships.
Nah, because alcoholism is addiction and addiction is an illness.
NTA for trying, but it’s not going to help until he wants to stop. Doesn’t sound like that’s happening.
NTA.
Yes, as a good friend with a legitimate concern, you were right to talk to him about his health, etc. But ultimately it seems he has chosen the bottle over you. There’s not much more you can do to influence him.
If he’s drunk most of the time, and belligerent when he’s drunk, then it’s no wonder that you and your other friends don’t want to spend time with him. Not every friendship was meant to last forever.