My sister and I both live with our parents when she’s not at school. She’s currently at university and only comes home for about 4 months out of the year (summer and some holidays). The other 8 months she lives on campus.
We’ve had the same bedrooms since we were kids. I’m the younger sister, which is why she originally got the slightly bigger room. I’ve been in the smaller room since around 6th grade, and she’s had the bigger one since about 8th grade.
The difference isn’t huge, but it’s noticeable. Her room is about 12×12, and mine is about 11×10.
The reason this matters now is because I work from home. My room is small enough that fitting a proper desk setup is difficult, so while she’s away I’ve been using the desk in her room to work during the day.
She’s been fine with that while she’s gone, but obviously when she comes home I can’t use it.
Recently I called her and asked if we could switch rooms, since she’s only here part of the year and I’m living here full time and working from home.
She shut the idea down almost immediately and interrupted me before I could fully explain, saying “that’s my room, it’s always been my room, and you have your own room.”
She also said it feels like I’m trying to kick her out of her own space.
I told her I wasn’t trying to push her out, I just thought it made more sense for the slightly bigger room to be used by the person who is actually here most of the year.
She said it doesn’t matter and that I should just wait until she graduates in about two more years.
For context, I am saving to move out eventually (across the country), but that’s not happening immediately.
After the conversation I talked to my mom about it, and she actually said she understands my side and thinks it would make sense for me to use the bigger room while my sister is away most of the year. But my mom is very non confrontational and doesn’t want to upset either of us, so she doesn’t want to push the issue.
Part of me feels like I’m being reasonable since I’m the one living here year round and working from home, but another part of me wonders if I’m crossing a line by asking her to give up a room she’s had for years.
So AITA for asking to switch rooms while she’s away most of the year?
NTA for asking that, if you wanted to move her stuff out and your stuff in, she couldn’t really do anything about that, could she? But you would have to deal with the backlash.
You’re NTA for asking, but you could become the asshole if you keep pushing it. It makes sense, but also it’s her childhood bedroom.
Move out as soon as you can.
NTA you genuinely need the space for work and she’s not even there for half the year. It’s ultimately your mom’s decision. If sis doesn’t like it she can move out. I imagine (or at least hoping) you’re contributing more to the household as well since you actually live there
NTA. It makes logical sense. It’s convenient and could benefit you 365 days a year, it’s not like you just want a bigger room for the sake of having the bigger room, it actually has benefits/reasoning behind it.
However it is your parents house, the final say is completely up to them. I understand your sisters pov, she’s away often and probably just wants to come home to familiarity – both of your feelings and opinions matter on this and they’re both valid, that’s why i’d say it’s up to your parents.
I guess another thing to look at is how long your sister will stay, will she move out straight away when she’s done college? Depending which of yous plan to stay longer, atleast in my mind itd make sense for them to have the bigger room.
Alternatively, is there a study, office or spare bedroom in your home you could work in outside of your sisters room?
NTA. it’s not like she is being kicked out of the house. it’s completely selfish of her to prioritise her nostalgia over the workability of your day to day life, especially when she’s not even living there most of the time.
There were three kids in my family and we got to keep our rooms through college. Afterwards, it was a revolving door – if you moved out, your room was up for grabs and if (when) you moved back, you got what was opened and none of us had hard feelings. Most of my friends faced similar situations in their own families.
However, the fact you WFH really does change things up a bit, to my thinking. It’s honestly your Mom’s (and Dad’s?) call.
I am surprised that I do not see more comments bringing up the question “what have your parents said?”
I’m gonna go NAH. You’re NTA for asking, but she’s also NTA for feeling like she’s being pushed out of her childhood room and a familiar space.
It seems like the desk setup is the main issue. Is there nowhere else in the house where you can work comfortably, or is her room the only option?
NTA for asking.
My brother took my bigger room that had been mine since I was like 5 🤷♀️. It sucked but it’s the natural cycle. Ultimately it’s your parent’s house so they should be the ones deciding. Plus she’s not even there long enough to claim residency (generally around 180 days btw depending on the state).
But you’re an adult(?), with a job, so if your space with mom and dad isn’t working you should. If you have a job you work from home at and you’re the younger one, how long has your sister been in Uni?
NAH you’re not for asking, but she’s not for saying no. Look at it from her perspective, she’s away for 8mos out of the year, in a new place away from home probably with mostly strangers. I’d want that familiarity that everything was the same as before when returning home if I were here. But also presumably she’ll be moving back in when college is finished unless she gets her own place + a job before or immediately after graduating.
Also, just because I’m curious, do you have a lot of stuff in your room already? I have the same sized room and while a little crowded it’s still comfortable with a bed, dresser, nightstands, a large set of shelves, and a desk.
I never understand these issues. Maybe it’s because when I was growing up, it was the 80’s and 90’s and people didn’t place nostaligia over common sense.
I have three older sisters and as soon as one moved out or left for college and were gone for 9 months of the year, we were actually *required* to leave our smaller rooms and move to the next biggest. When my oldest sister moved out, I moved to the next biggest room and my parents turned my old room into a guest room. My next oldest sister went to college, I was moved to the bigger room and my parents turned my previous room into an exercise room with a daybed. When she came home from college, she could either stay in the guest room or the exercise room. My third sister went to college, and her room then had a pull out couch and became an entertainment room.
Those extra beds, gave my sisters a place to sleep and stay when they came home from college or just to visit. None of my sisters could or would bitch because it made more sense to use the space instead of leaving it empty most of the time. When I moved out, they turned my room into computer room since computers and the internet were becoming a thing. They never even put a bed in my old room. Just desks with computers. But when I came home from college, I stayed in the guest room.
I think your NTA, because that’s the way I was raised. But it does seem as if people think wasting space is more important than putting it to use these days.
My folks moved right after I went to college and I never even had a room in that house. I didn’t care in the slightest either.
My parents did similar after I moved out after university (youngest of the siblings so siblings were already out of the house), my sister asked the first time she visited “where’s my room” – Dad’s response was “at your house”
NTA. Maybe this is the benefit of moving several times as a kid but I don’t get this attachment to “childhood bedrooms” to the extent that the bigger room is allowed to stay unoccupied for the majority of the year at the behest of someone who doesn’t live in the home the majority of the time. And I’m willing to bet she still claims this “attachment” to the room even after she graduates university.
Talk to your parents and tell them you don’t see how it makes sense that you cannot have the bigger bedroom when you live there all the time and its not practical because you cannot easily work at your desk which has to be in your sister’s current room when she’s home. If they have a shred of common sense they are going to tell your sister that the 2 of you are switching rooms.