AITA for refusing to go on my fiancé’s family trip 2 days after the wedding?
I (30F) am getting married to David (32M) this June. Both families will be flying in for our wedding, as this is taking place at where we currently live rather than our hometown.
My family visits us twice a year whereas his family does not. They have obviously visited for important milestones e.g. graduation, but David is always the one flying home.
This time, his whole family is coming (including the sisters and husbands, with a toddler). I was informed by David that they have planned a week long family trip to another country (on the same continent) 2 days after the wedding. Tickets already bought and hotels booked (for themselves and David, but not me).
He asked if I wanted to go. I said no, because I didn’t want the first days as newlyweds to be spent with his family. We didn’t plan to go on honeymoon immediately anyway, but I thought we would go somewhere domestic for a few days by ourselves. Plus, my family will still be here and I would like to spend time with them after we got back and before they are gone.
Am I the asshole for refusing to go? David said I am making him choose between me and his family. He feels that since they never visit our continent, this is an excellent chance for them to spend time together. His mother is pressuring him to go, saying that they won’t know how to navigate that country (although I can’t see how David could since he has never been either).
To some extent I echo his sentiment since our families are so far away. But I can’t help but feel like this is going to come back and haunt our relationship.
NTA. “David said I am making him choose between me and his family.” YOU are his family. And his old family showed what they think of you by not including you.
You have a husband problem, not an in-law problem.
This is the time when OP needs to give herself an ultimatum, he either needs to realize you come first or you leave.
NTA. You are starting out with a husband problem. He SHOULD be choosing you over his family. You will be his wife.
What were they thinking? First, booking a “family trip” right after your wedding and, second, including him, but not you? It screams that they didn’t expect the wedding to happen.
And the fact that he is even considering going…maybe they’re right. He shouldn’t even think of going without you.
It isn’t you choosing not to go, his family excluded you. Now it is up to him to choose his primary family. You. NTA, shouldn’t go on a trip where you are clearly not wanted. But how he behaves in this situation will tell you a lot about how things will be moving forward. If he doesn’t choose you now, will he ever?
Not a husband problem, a fiancée problem, she can still get out.
Soooo NTA. It’s rude of his family to even suggest this. Yeah, he IS supposed to choose between us family and his brand new bride immediately after y’all get married. Why even get married if he’s planning to immediately bail???
NTA. Frankly his family is TA for even putting him in this position, but he should not be enabling them.
You may want to rethink marrying this guy. He’s clearly showing you he will put you second to his “original” family. If he’s doing that now before you’re even married, he’ll definitely continue doing that AFTER you’re married.
NTA Since it’s apparently a long trip for them, I can see why they would want to make the most of it and include a family vacation – but if they wanted your husband &/or you to go with, it should have been a discussion with both of you when in the planning stages. It’s wild that they bought a ticket for your husband and not you.
NTA who plans a family vacation and only includes their son and not his wife especially right after his wedding? This is a weird power move. You’re not making him choose between him and his family, his family is doing that. Also now that you 2 are married, you are each other’s family/priority now.
INFO: So his family booked a vacation with him two days after your wedding that excluded you??? Why would he agree do that? Does his family dislike you? Hotel booked for him not you?
>**Tickets already bought and hotels booked (for themselves and David, but not me).**
Holy crap!
Who does this?
It’s unbelievable. And they don’t even want YOU, their new DIL, around!
The fact that your supposed fiance did not immediately shut this down tells you all you need to know about him and about his family: Major red flags and red mist all around.
**Do NOT marry this mamma’s boy.** He hasn’t been weaned yet.
You are NTA.
Cancel the wedding, get all your money back that’s possible, and sue him for the remainder of ALL the expenses.
NTA
So, your family have travelled a distance and are staying a few extra days to spend time with you.
His family have travelled a distance, and booked to leave just after the wedding, taking your new hubby with them, so they can spend some extra time with HIM and by not booking space for you, it’s clear they don’t want you along. Unless they’re expecting you to beg, which immediately creates a unpleasant power dynamic
It sounds like you each come from different family values and probably need to discuss this prior to the wedding
NTA any family who thinks up the idea of taking hubby away from wife days after the wedding, need to be monitored
NTA
>David said I am making him choose between me and his family.
This is wedding-pause worthy, because if you give in this time, you will be setting the precedent for a lifetime of boundary-stomping in the name of pacifying his family
Get into couples counseling with him & don’t move forward with the marriage until he understands why that statement is a red flag big enough to cover a football field.
And to be clear, the issue is that:
1. His family booked this trip without checking with you and expects you to join them.
2. Two days after your wedding.
Respect and timing.