So for context I (27 F) live back at home with my daughter (5) and my bf (29). We have been really struggling due to my daughter’s medical needs and my bf being physically disabled. I am a full time college student and my step father specifically has been helping us financially. He is a wonderful husband to my mom and the best Grandpa my daughter has.
I love him very much. He knows this. However, I have never considered him my dad. I already have a dad who’s done little but hurt me. I was 13 when my mom started seeing him so he has been a father figure in my life for over a decade.
My mom overheard me telling my bf that my step father isn’t my dad and she got so offended. I tried to explain it to me and she yelled at me for saying "hes just my mom’s husband" but I didn’t mean it like that. My step father hugged me and told me he understood but my mom wont even talk to me
So am I the asshole?
*EDIT FOR CONTEXT*
The entire thing i said to my bf (in the privacy of my room) was "He’s not my dad, hes just my mom’s husband. I love him very much. He’s a good husband to my mom and a great grandpa to my daughter but hes not my dad"
YTA. He’s the only REAL dad you’ve ever had.
YTA, your stepfather is too nice to show you how hurtful what you said is, so your mom is stepping up for him. Good for them, but you need therapy if you hold a label above the actual person who you yourself say has been your real parent for most of your life
YTA….
You consider the man who’s done nothing but hurt you(your words) your dad
But not the man who loved and raised you?
Being a father is a whole lot more
Than biology
YTA since he’s just your moms husband go ask your “real dad” for money.
YTA. You’ve got it mixed up. He may not be your father but he definitely is your dad
The fact that you were having a conversation about “he’s not my dad” is the YTA part.
ETA: If he’s “just” your mom’s husband, stop accepting his financial support. You don’t get that from “just my parent’s spouse”.
YTA. You love him, heʻs been your father figure for over a decade, heʻs helping you a lot financially, but you said “heʻs just my momʻs husband”. Itʻs fine for you to use a different term than “dad”, but “just momʻs husband” is treating him as totally unimportant to you, and it seems incredibly ungrateful.
Your stepfather is supporting you, your husband, your daughter and your mother and yet you don’t consider him your dad. What is he to you – apparently an ATM only.
YTA. That’s probably the most hurtful thing that guy has ever heard. He’s spent over 10 years taking care of you and is now taking care of your child too. Hopefully you stop accepting his help and ask your real father to do it
YTA what the fuck
YTA because you said, “He’s just my mom’s husband.” He’s not just that, he’s a lot more than that to you, your bf and your child.
It’s ok you don’t want to call him Dad, because maybe Dad is a negative thing to you. But saying he’s just your mom’s husband after all he does for you, is disrespectful.
You’re living in his house at age 27 with your daughter and boyfriend and getting financial help from him, yet he’s “just your mom’s husband?” That’s really rude and disrespectful. He may not be your bio dad, but he’s way more than your mom’s spouse. You owe him a huge apology. YTA.
And he even *stood up for her* when mom called it out.
Girl. Seriously.
sorry, but describing the man who’s raised you through your teen years – not an easy feat by any means – who’s now continuing to support and help you as ***just*** your mom’s husband? yeah, YTA. you don’t gotta consider him dad, but reducing him to something not even connected to you is downright vile.