I’m currently doing a course that I’ve been planning to do for a long time, so I’m taking it pretty seriously and trying to stay on top of everything (assessments, due dates, class content, etc).
There’s someone in my class who I’ve known since high school. We get along fine, but she’s very disorganised. She’s often late, doesn’t always know what’s going on, and regularly asks me to explain things or catch her up. At first I didn’t mind helping, but this has been happening consistently over multiple weeks and across several assessments. It’s not just a one-off situation — it’s become a constant thing.
She’ll ask what we’re doing even after it’s already been explained in class, or ask me about due dates and tasks that are clearly posted online and sent via email. Recently, she also didn’t properly submit multiple assessments through our student portal because she didn’t complete all the required steps. That made me realise how much she relies on others instead of double-checking things herself.
I wouldn’t say I’m "drained," but it’s starting to get frustrating because I’m trying to focus on my own work and stay organised, and I don’t really want to be responsible for keeping someone else on track as well.
I haven’t said anything directly to her, but I’ve started pulling back and just telling her to check the course page instead of explaining everything.
Part of me feels a bit guilty since I’ve known her for a while and don’t want to come across as unfriendly, but at the same time I don’t feel like it’s my responsibility to constantly help her. I’m also starting to wonder if continuing to help is actually enabling the situation.
AlTA for stepping back and not helping as much anymore?
NTA. At some point you have to protect your own time. You’re a student too, not her backup brain.
NTA. I think the slow pulling away is best. If they stops getting what they want they’ll move on to asking someone else. It’s not your responsibility to keep them afloat.
NTA
She’s going to drag you down
Dollars to donuts she has ADD. Tell her to get evaluated.
NTA she’s gotta learn at some point and it’s exhausting always having to hold someone’s hand. Just point her in the right direction (“check your email. It’s written on the board. Maybe ask the teacher. Have you thought about talking to a tutor?” Etc.) but she is not your responsibility, y’all are adults and she needs to act like it or she’s going to have a really hard time doing life.
Edit: I had to do this with my coworkers too (I wasn’t management but I had a lot of extra responsibilities) they’d come to me and ask if there was anything they could help with. I’d ask them the same 3 questions initially, they’d end up having to do one of those 3 tasks. Eventually they learned to have completed those 3 tasks before coming to ask me for stuff to do. Unfortunately people don’t get better but you learn how to manage them.
NTA.
Is she funding your education? Is she paying you for tutoring? If not, enough is enough. Tell her you no longer have the time to help her, especially since it sounds like she’s not putting in any effort at all. The school should have people who can help her get better organized, get evaluated for any LDs, etc. it’s not your responsibility to make sure she passes.