Hello! me (F21) and my boyfriend (M21) have been together about a year and have been best friends for about 8. My mom and him are very close and she has called him her son since before we even dated. I’ve been away at college (about 2hrs from home) and come home every other weekend with my boyfriend coming to visit me between those weekends. Ever since I have left for college, my mom has been increasingly more and more irritated with me and gets angry about dumb things. It’s gotten to the point where i’m miserable coming home because I know there will always be some sort of issue. Even when i’m away and text her it’s always something… we can’t just have a normal conversation. She claims she’s not allowed at my apartment. Which i responded to very confused because i have never once said that. I’ve told her many times she is welcome and have actually been telling her about places i’d like to take her but she never comes. This weekend she said she would like to go out to for dinner sunday and play the board game with us that we all enjoy playing. Sunday comes around and me and BF went fishing early in the morning with some friends and came back at noon. we text her asking when she would like to go eat and she throws a whole fit about it saying she never said this, and that we never play the game on sundays. We both were confused and asked why this was such an issue since she took monday off of work and said she wants to do everything sunday. She then calls me and screams at me in front of everyone and claims she’s turning her location off for us and gonna go sit somewhere. Since she doesn’t want to do anything anymore, my boyfriend took me on a surprise date to a tulip farm and when we came back she goes “I would’ve liked to be taken there.” I just don’t understand her suddenly being like this. AITA for not wanting to come home anymore??
NTA
That being said, any chances mom is having some cognitive loss, like dementia or Alzheimer? That’s how my mom started showing signals.
THIS!!!My grandmother started out doing this and thats what made us get her tested. She had early onset dementia and mini stroke(never knew about)
She did last year actually, her memory was awful and she would get upset when I would tell her i’m going out doing something when I had given her a heads up on it. I was living at home full time during this time period going to school locally. I just now transferred to a different college and moved. She was severely anemic and lacking B12 due to large growth on her uterus. She had a hysterectomy in december and went back to work a couple weeks ago. I actually thought her memory had significantly improved now.
I would blame the hysterectomy. Those can completely change you, especially if she got her ovaries removes as well since she wont be producing hormones the same. Our hormones are what determine our personality. After my hysterectomy my anxiety and depression went through the roof and I could barely hold a conversation without breaking down. If she hadn’t gone through menopause yet then she is likely starting that now. I promise you, menopause it not a fun experience. The fact that women deal with it for such a long time and are expected to still act normal at that time is just impossible.
That being said, she is the one that needs to see there’s a problem and to speak to her doctor about it. Hormone replacement therapy helps a lot from what I’ve heard
I believe they did leave her ovaries. I definitely do not look forward to the day i go through this as well. I’m not sure how to bring this up to her without her freaking out though. I hate to be the person to tell her she’s been “hysterical” and her hormones are out of wack and making her “illogical.” No woman likes hearing that including myself lol. How would you bring this up considering your experience?
Oh goodness, I am not the right one to help with this. My brain has almost always looked at these things in a logical and clinical way, so I prefer to just have facts and math handle things. Honestly, I’m drawing a blank at thinking of a way to handle this with someone who is actively being super emotional. Maybe just straight up say that you think something is wrong with her hormones after the procedure and you would like for her to get it checked out, but that you aren’t willing to come back for the weekend until she puts in the effort to see if there’s an imbalance. Try putting the blame on the surgery so she can pinpoint a logical reason and doesn’t feel like she needs to defend herself. Might be best to offer to go to the doctor with her. Often times with mental issues you can’t really see what other people are seeing, so she might downplay her symptoms because she doesn’t notice them
If this is a sudden inexplicable personality change I would take her to a doctor
Has this ever happened before? Is she maybe stressed out about you leaving home? Is she only like this with you, or with everyone? If it’s everyone, I would absolutely insist she make an appointment with her doctor to discuss the possibility of dementia.
This!
Could be dimentia, alzheimers, menopause, brain tumor, etc. All cause personally shifts and should be diagnosed ASAP for preventive care/resolution.
NTA – is she getting Alzheimer’s or dementia? She may need to get checked out
NTA – but your mom needs to get into a doctor. Something isn’t right here, and it’s really concerning
NTA but there’s something quite wrong. Either mental health or something like early onset of dementia. I’d talk to other family members about a strategy to follow to persuade her to get help.
NTA
I agree with all the answers & suggestions given already, and also want to point out that this must also be very upsetting to her. This sounds a lot like something brain related, either stroke or possibly dementia; also very possibly related to hormonal changes. She definitely needs a complete physical work-up. You are definitely NTA, but may be able to help her figure out what is wrong with& get things straightened out. Good luck.