So I(22) moved back home because I got kicked out of my apartment. My mom(40) was begging me to come home so thought why not?
Not even an hour I’m back home and the first thing my mom says is “what are your plans” in an animosity tone. No warm welcome or anything despite her BEGGING me to come home. I tell her I’ll be applying for jobs and almost a week later I get a job.
During that week searching for a job I was sleeping a lot because I have insomnia and I heard my mom’s husband throw shade passing my room saying “sleeping all day”. Like dude, I LITERALLY have insomnia.
Months go by and I constantly hear my mom, her husband(40) talking bad about me just to get me out of their house. I do nothing, but go to work, stay in my room and mind my business. Yet I’m a problem.
I also want to point out my mom’s husband have threatened my WHOLE family, abuses her mentally and physically, gotten two of her cars wrecked so now she’s struggling with a vehicle. More so HE should be the one getting out the house.
Ever since my mom has gotten with her husband she has been treating all of her kids like absolute shit. It’s the reason why all of us moved out to begin with. She even lied on my brother and got him with a criminal record.
I‘m just so fed up with my mom and her husband I don’t even feel comfortable(it’s to the point where I don’t even feel comfortable to eat where I live), but my brother is telling me otherwise and that I should love her because she’s my mother.
NTA and im surprised you moved home considering her track record (getting your brother a criminal record)
Yeah, sometimes I question my own decisions, but at the time of getting kicked out of my apartment I had nowhere to go and I’d rather not be homeless…again.
Why were you kicked out of your apartment?
It was actually an apartment program that was ending, but before it was ending I was getting kicked out because of an ex.
So you’re as messy as the rest of your family.
Your family sounds incredibly dysfunctional. Luckily you are an adult so you can get your life together and restrict contact to what you can mentally handle.
I notice you don’t mention any chores or help around the house you are providing. If you aren’t doing these things then until you have saved up enough to get your own place you need to start.
You are 22, focus on building a career and a sustainable financial situation. While you live with you mother and her partner make sure you are paying your own way, helping around the house and being polite even if you don’t believe they are. You need to act like the adult you are, not a teen sulking in their room. Be proactive with your financial situation and look for opportunities to get yourself into a position where moving out is not going to be financially devastating.
My family IS dysfunctional.
I should have mentioned the chores/helping part, but I do help around as much as I can. Despite that they still want me gone.
I am building me a career and have a saved up enough to move out. I’m actually waiting to hear back from a landlord about an apartment application. When that goes through I’ll be moving this week and starting my new job next week. Also, regarding the polite part, I have tried that and that have not worked. I try my best to be respectful because my mom will kick me out in an instant even when she knows I’ll be homeless. So just to avoid any issues I just stay in my room most of the time and come out to eat and/or do chores.
If you don’t have anywhere to go at the moment I’d suggest you ask your mum if there is anything additional you could be doing to improve the situation. If there is great, do that. If there’s isn’t just continue to be polite, even when they aren’t, and keep looking for somewhere to move to.
NTA. Normalize cutting of toxic family because blood literally means nothing to them so why should it mean anything to you. If youre my family member, I expect better from you then a stranger. You do not get a free pass because you birthed me, I didnt agree to that.
Exactly! But my brother keeps saying “put your pride to the side” and keep contact with her. Mind you this is the same brother who’s still talking to her despite her lying and getting him a criminal record. If I was him I’d cut her off immediately after that. I personally think it’s not about “pride”, it’s the fact she completely screwed over her own kids. Why would I want to keep contact with her like you?
Who needs enemies when you have family like that? It can be a tough choice but cutting them all out might be just what you need. You’d be surprised how many people realize their depression was in fact caused by A-Holes
Hope you can get your own place ASAP. If you have to stay there, keep a record of your stepfather’s abusive behavior. Dates, times, what is done to whom and who sees it (witnesses and victims). What he does is considered domestic violence. If the law gets involved you have a written record. If you fear for your life, tell them that, or your family might become a statistic. If you can discretely record him being abusive, do that, but don’t let him find out.
Your mother might be taking out her anger on you because she can’t take it out on him. If he’s ever violent with you or a sibling, or you see him abuse your mother, you can get him locked up. She might be afraid to be there alone with him. If the law gets involved, let them
About the insomnia, can you work second or third shift? Does your job have that option? If you’re sleeping while the rest of your family is awake, you’ll have to deal with them less until you get to where you can move out.
Thank you, I’m manifesting that I get my apartment this week.
I actually have thought of doing that. Gathering evidence and reporting it. I think I have an audio recording of evidence, but that might be it.
It is possible my mom might be taking her anger out on me, she tends to do that, but I want to mention that my mom is not afraid to be alone with him. She’s afraid to be alone because she don’t want to be alone in terms of relationship. She’s knows how abusive he is, but she’s more so desperate for a relationship. She’s even giving up her relationship with her kids for him.
Also, regarding the insomnia, I could work a second or third shift, but I just don’t bother asking my manager. I just thug it out, but I’m moving this week so when I move I’ll be getting back on my insomnia medication.