I (27F) have a friend (26F) who asked me to help her move this weekend. The problem is, last year when I moved, she didn’t even offer to help or check in, even though I helped her with a big project.
I told her I can’t help this time since I have my own plans, and she got upset, saying I’m being “selfish” and “not a real friend.”
I feel like friendship should go both ways. AITA for standing my ground?
You are upset they didn’t offer to help you move? Did you ask her for help. Like she is asking you for help? Are you sure she didn’t just think that you didn’t need help and didn’t want to bother you while you were packing/moving/settling in?
INFO: Did you ask her to help you move?
Well first I didn’t see you asking her so you seem to have a communication problem. That said, you’re not obligated to help her either.
Do you guys even like each other?
ESH
You didn’t say you asked for her help, so it’s a bit much to hold a grudge because she didn’t offer.
And she’s a bit much for turning on you when you declined to help.
NTA If this was a communication miss, the friend wouldn’t have resorted to calling OP selfish when it doesn’t sound like OP referenced to the friends lack of help at all as the reason for their refusal.
NTA, If she isn’t willing to help you and feels entitled to your time with little notice, that’s entirely on her.
Keep standing your ground and try to talk it out with her while maintaining your boundaries.
INFO Did you ASK her to help you? I’ve never offered to help someone move, nor has anyone ever offered to help me move. If you need help, you ask for it.
This. If OP didn’t ask, then why do they expect them to know when they need help? Should I just be asking all my friends constantly if they need help moving to make sure I don’t miss it by accident?
Frienships shouldnt be tit for tat. Maybe she had something scheduled when you moved and couldn’t help you.
Well she isn’t expecting you to offer, she asked if you could help. Anyway ESH, because she should be able to handle the answer ‘no’ as well.
Edit: for clarification, to me it seems the only reason you’re not doing it is because she didn’t offer last year (nor did you ask). in case theres any confusion for MY judgement
ESH – you for not asking and expecting her to read your mind. Her for throwing shade at your ‘no’.
This is a brief post but ESH based on what we see here. Absent more context, she’s not justified in going scorched-earth on you for saying you can’t help her move. You aren’t justified in holding her lack of help against her when you apparently never asked for it.
Did you ask her to help you move last year?
ESH.
You suck for tally-marking your friendship, keeping track of who owes a favor when. You suck for being mad at her for not offering to help when it’s your responsibility to ask if you want something.
She sucks for not offering to help that time and for calling you those things.