Lost my husband almost two years ago and even though I’ve tried my best to always include his family in our son’s life, it feels like they want control of how I raise him. Can’t even pick an hairstyle without my SIL complaining about it lol
We have an arrangement where he visits them and stays for two weekends every month and honestly this hasn’t been easy. I never pick my son the same way I dropped him off even after I’ve spoken to them about it so many times. Just too many ridiculous things they complain about. Sometimes they even coach my son on things to say to me just so they can get what they want. Picked up my boy last weekend and he’s telling me Aunty told him to tell me he wants to change school even though he told her he likes his current school. She had spoken to me about him changing schools previously and I said No.
I called her today to inform her there’ll be no visitations anymore, you can come by my house to see my son for a few hours and leave. Now she’s claiming I’m trying to push her and the family out of the boys life because ‘that’s what you’ve always wanted’. I mean I know how close she was with my husband but I think it makes sense she shouldn’t dictate what I do with my boy or am I the asshole?
Nta. I would have stopped visitation a long time ago.
NTA. This is a hard situation and sounds like your husbands family is projecting hard on your child.
They’re using him and it’s going to mess him up psychologically as your in laws seem to making it that he ends up choosing them over you, just because he has your husbands dna and that’s super gross.
NTA
You’re setting boundaries, not pushing them out. Letting your son see his father’s family is important, but they’ve crossed a line by trying to influence major decisions behind your back.
Telling your son what to say to you about changing schools is not okay. You already tried talking to them multiple times and nothing changed, so modifying the arrangement makes sense.
You’re still allowing them to be in his life, just in a way that keeps you involved and protects your role as his parent. That’s a reasonable decision.
NTA. You’re doing the right thing. Sending them to their home for two weekends a month is a lot of time anyway. They should have respected you as his mother if they wanted to maintain that privilege.
NTA. This is so effed up. For your son’s sake, stop exposing him to these sick, sick people who have clearly not processed their own grief at losing their brother. Your son is not a mini-version of your husband. Your son is his own person and your in-laws, specifically your SIL, clearly see him as some sort of do-over of the person they *think* your husband was (and not necessarily who he actually was).
You would be an AH if you keep allowing these people into your son’s life.
thanks for this! im making sure they only see him with me around from now on
And the answer is…. Yes. I am pushing back. Yes, I call the shots. Yes, you will see my son on my terms. Yes, I am currently being generous, that can change.
“I am altering the deal. Pray I do not alter it any further.”
When divorced parents do this it’s known as parental alienation… Put a stop to it now when he’s still young enough to not miss them.
This and start documenting everything! These people will try to sue you for grandparent’s rights.
NTA. They’re manipulating a child.
NTA
Two weekends per month is a custody arrangement not a family visit. Yes you should put a stop to it.
SIL doesn’t have a say in how you raise your child and what she is really doing is parental alienation.
NTA
Coaching your kid is wrong. It’s harmful. It’s manipulative, it puts your kid in the middle of adult conversations.
If you can’t trust them not to do what you ask, supervised visitation is what is appropriate.
It sucks. It really does. But, this isn’t appropriate behavior with your child and you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do.
NTA. If your SIL considers only being permitted to see him *at your/his own home* equivalent to cutting them out of his left well, that’s telling. What can she not do with him there that she could do at her home? What would he he actually be missing?
You were clear. Many times. She kept pushing. It’s past time to draw some lines and stand on them.