I recently found out that I have a half sibling through one of those DNA sites. They reached out to me and we talked alittle here and there.
I confronted my father about it who is denying it despite the clear DNA evidence. I don’t know who he thinks he’s fooling but he clearly wants nothing to do with the situation and that’s his right.
I don’t necessarily feel the need to seek out a relationship with this half sibling but I acknowledge the connection exists.
My half sibling is really harping on the issue that my father is lying. I told them there’s nothing I can do about that, sometimes people can’t handle or straight choose NOT to do the right thing and I’ve learned to accept that. That is their karma to deal with, not mine.
My half sibling can’t understand how I can accept the lie so easily and seems to want me to push harder to get my dad to tell the truth.
I’m don’t want to push this issue further because its pointless when he clearly doesnt want to acknowledge this half sibling. If he did, he would have been honest or circled back to the conversation (I honestly am a bit surprised the half sibling just assumed my dad would be welcoming with open arms and didn’t consider an alternative where he wants nothing to do with them).
AITA for letting it go?
ETA – me and half sibling are both in our 30s
NTA you aren’t accepting the lie. You know the truth, the DNA is proof, but you are not your father and you can’t make him do anything.
How old is this half sibling?
NTA. They want something from your dad that he will probably never give them. That’s on him, not you.
I was scrolling through Ancestry a few years ago, and I discovered that someone else had my dad’s photo as their dad. WTF? I emailed them and asked how that happened. Turned out I had a half sister I didn’t know about. I’m still in contact, but not on a regular basis. She’s really not someone I could get close to.
Maybe your father didn’t know ?
NTA – I don’t think you are wrong to have the attitude you have. You can’t force your dad to confront things he doesn’t want to confront. You are just being pragmatic.
However, I do understand how it’s harder for the half sibling. They likely have questions, they have not had the opportunity to know their father, they likely want deep down to be accepted, not rejected.
Empathy goes a long way here. It’s much easier for you to be accepting of the situation because your father isn’t lying about your existence. How would you feel in their situation – probably not as accepting as you are now.
You don’t have to take action but you need to accept that your half sibling – who your fathers rejection is aimed at – doesn’t have to take the same course. If they want to raise absolute hell for the A H who won’t acknowledge their existence they can and that’s the consequences of your fathers actions.
Uh, just how certain are you that your father is your actual father? Could it be that your mother had an affair, got pregnant and passed you off as your fathers child?
So in that scenario your father isn’t actually lying, he’s telling the truth. You may want to test your fathers DNA to find out for sure. It’s not beyond the realms of possibility that you learn some truths that others may have wanted to be kept hidden.
>didn’t consider an alternative where he wants nothing to do with them
They could have considered it and still (rightly) take it very hard. Having a parent deny your existence would be pretty brutal. Like sure, it’s your dad’s “right” but it makes him an unbelievably shitty person.
Personally, I’d be questioning the character of someone who denies their own child. On the other hand… I’d test to make sure your dad is actually your dad.
When people engage in DNA testing, they should accept the reality that they might find out unpleasant truths.
This does not give them the right to blow up other people’s lives if they choose not to engage.
Has your newly-discovered half sibling spoken to his mother about his surprise parentage? That’s the place to begin getting answers.
NTA It’s not your place to “straighten out” your father on behalf of the new half-sib.
NTA. You did your part in confronting your dad. Your half sibling now knows that your father will not recognize them as a child. They can choose to do what they want.
Consider that maybe your father wasn’t told so did not know a former GF had gotten pregnant.
Nta. Not your job to police your dad. People do things for all kinds of reasons. There could have been a separation or a break or an agreement or a one night stand or a whole host of things. It isn’t up to you to fix everyone’s problems. You didn’t even have to confront your dad.
NTA. Is it possible that your Dad is not your biological father? Could the two of you share an unknown biological father?
Yeah that was my thought.
I OP put their DNA and their fathers DNA into the website, then yes it is the father’s.
But if just OP had the dna sent in, and dad is adament that there is no chsnce there is another sibling…
OP, get tested to see if your father is your biological father.