I (26) and husband (30) have been together almost three years and married 1.5. A little back story: I built my house, bought all the furniture and everything before we were together. The only thing my husband had to his name before marriage was his truck.
He has switched jobs 5 times since being together. Has never once paid the mortgage, which is fine however has never paid any of the other bills either. The agreement we had when we got married was to split finances 50/50. I pay almost $3k a month between the mortgage, HOA, utilities and groceries. He recently quit his full time job to work somewhere else part time “with hopes of a full time position” while taking a $10 pay cut. I haven’t been receiving any money from him since this job switch so I asked in return that he makes sure the house stays clean. I work full time and I come home to dishes in the sink, laundry not done, and the house a mess almost every day. I made him a list of things I wanted done since he had a week off (perks of working part time I guess) and every single day he has sat on the couch either watching tv or playing a game on his computer. When I usually ask him to do anything it leads to arguments and him slamming doors or baby gates (for the dogs) in the house because he has to get up and help. I asked him to please clean up the bedroom so I could start dinner and he had an attitude so I said I would just do it myself which led to an argument and me telling him it’s not fair to have everything put on me while he sits on his ass doing nothing. He turned it around on me stating I don’t take his mental health into consideration because “as a man having your wife make more than you and not being able to help financially takes a toll”. I told him that was his fault due to him always changing jobs because he seems to always end up hating where he works. I then told him to get out until he can get his life together and learn to respect me and my property because it’s not fair to me having all the responsibility while he has none. Since this happened tonight he has cut his location off and has not contacted me. Am I in the wrong here?
Edit: I have a prenup that states my house and everything I had before marriage legally belongs to me.
You are not the AH. Get out of your marriage now. You tried. It didn’t work. He’s NOT going to change at 30 y/o. This is the exact reason for a prenuptial agreement. Go forward and be happy.
Why did you marry him in the first place?
He’s not going to change.
Drop him.
NTA and if this is how he acts when you ask him to help around its not a good look. I would consider divorce he seems more like a moody teen rather than a husband or partner.
NTA
He’s leeching and using mental health to cover his extremely bruised ego. Lazy and egotistical are not a good mix.
NTA. y’all might be married but that doesn’t mean he can just leech off you. Being a partner means meaningfully contributing to the relationship, which he obviously doesn’t do
Nah you’re not wrong. He agreed to split things, but then dipped on the bills, dipped on the chores, and dipped on basic respect. That’s not “mental health,” that’s him weaponizing guilt so he can keep coasting. You’re carrying the whole household and he’s acting like a guest. Telling him to leave till he steps up is a boundary, not cruelty. He needs to get stable, contribute, or stop wasting your time.
100% NTA. When it comes to adult relationships, the rule is simple.. Either pay your way financially or pay your way domestically assuming the individual is physically capable, which, this man was. His bogus excuse is nothing more than weaponised incompetency, which sadly a lot of men do. The only right answer is to cut your losses and find a partner who actually knows how to be an adult.
NTA. Don’t let him back in. Do you really want this for your life? Because this guy has no intention of bettering himself. He is quite happy to sit on his backside and watch you work hard and profit from it. Keep the dogs, ditch the husband.
NTA
I’d have kicked him to the curb when he refused to pull his weight.
After he made that comment about you making more affecting his mental health I’d have thrown all his stuff in the front yard and screamed at him about what having a lazy partner has done to my mental health!
You have patience, get a good lawyer that will keep you from paying alimony!
Drop the hobosexusl you married and call a lawyer. Gather documentation for all your financial records, including that he has not contributed to the mortgage and that you built the home.
I’d push him to see a psychologist. If he doesn’t want to, get a lawyer. File for divorce.
This isn’t going to solve itself
NTA. He is insecure and immature. Change the locks and congrats on cutting your domestic labor and cost of living in half after you (hopefully) divorce this ‘man’
Notice how he said “not being able to help financially”? It sounds as if he sees that as the only help he can offer you when there is a host of practical things he can do. This means that he sees household chores as ‘women’s work’ regardless of whether the woman in question also holds down a full-time job or not. He does not believe in an equal partnership. As for his ‘mental health’: that’s just an excuse. There is nothing a good kick in the butt can’t cure.
NTA Sorry to tell you but you married a mooch. See a lawyer, quickly.