I (26F) and my wife (29F) were invited to watch my mom (50s) perform a dance with her team during a basketball game. We agreed, and today we drove an hour to the event, and planned to get dinner with my family afterward.
During the drive, I suggested in the family group chat that we switch the restaurant because of allergies in the family. My mom replied, “We have other people joining us,” which surprised me because she never said anyone besides immediate family would be there. I asked, “Who all will be there?” in the group chat and also messaged my brother (24M) privately.
My mom listed three people.My brother listed four. The difference? My brother’s list included my exbest friend, who my mom knows I cut off because she’s homophobic. My mom completely left out the one person she knew I would have a problem being around.
I’m furious. We drove an hour to support my mom, but now I can’t stomach watching her perform knowing she invited my exfriend and didn’t tell me. I feel blindsided and disrespected, and I don’t want to be forced into sharing space with someone openly homophobic toward me and my wife.
I explained to my dad that we were leaving and how I felt and he told me that if I left my mom would not talk to me. I explained that I felt ambushed into going to this event with someone I was actively not wanting to see. He told me that we weren’t sitting with them so he didn’t see the big deal.
AITA?
Edits: Clarification language and additional info.
Umm I am kinda lost this happened or is going to happen. You keep going in and out of past tense. You already drove there, but you are not there, but you got a text and found out your ex would be there and now you are asking if you can’t go.
Maybe bad english or just bad AI
So sorry! I was typing in a hurry. I fixed the mistakes and added info
Nope, nope, nope. Your mom is a piece of work. Is she so desperate for attention she’s willing to alienate you or is this her PA homophobic dig at you and yours? Either way I’d decline to attend or leave once I got there.
>if i left my mom would not talk to me
Honestly, beat her to the punch and *you* stop talking to her lol. Your mom lied to you in order to trick you. This wasn’t an innocent mistake. Let her be upset. She had no problem making you upset. NTA.
“he told me that if I left my mom would not talk to me.” Sounds like a bonus. Your Mom was obviously hiding the fact she invited someone who you cut out of your life and who would treat you and your wife like shit. If she wanted you to be there then she shouldn’t have tried to trap you into that kind of situation. NTA.
NTA, 100% would do the same and I kinda have. Lifelong story short – 35m and the day before Thanksgiving 2021, my mom’s BF told me she was in the hospital *after* shouting at me with homophobic slurs. My mom blamed him for why she was in the hospital and promised he would be out of her life when she recovered. We even contacted authorities on how to evict him.
She not only went back to him directly from the hospital, but then said she was “sorry I felt that way” when I established the need for Minimal Contact after her returning to that lifestyle.
Fast forward to late last year. Family event planning. My brother text yells at me how I’M the asshole because the boyfriend has for years apologized to me! 20 times!
My mom and him would lie to my brother and say they tried reaching out. He believed it, despite knowing our mom’s lifetime of lies. They never did – not ONCE. Homophobes can F off in general – Homophobes in your own family that express it are next-level evil.
My only mistake and regret is not going full no contact. But now I know where my brother stands. I’m sorry your family is so agreeable in subjecting you to that.
Your mom is a toxic AH, you were right to leave there and then.
” he told me that if I left my mom would not talk to me. ” .. consider not having contactwith your AH mom a win.
NTA