I usually celebrate every holiday with my husband’s family. I did not spend Thanksgiving with my side of the family last year. My sisters and I are not the closest but we try during the holidays.
I mentioned to my husband that I wanted to spend Thanksgiving with my sisters this year and he did not seem to have any issues.
I announced to my husband’s siblings the following via text:
**Hello Family.** **This year, I will be hosting Thanksgiving at my home with my sisters.**
**I look forward to celebrating Christmas and New Year’s with you.**
My SIL **Oh nice ! We all celebrate thanksgiving at your home + sisters** .
*But that’s not what my initial message read.*
I replied with **I would rather not. I hardly see my sisters and would like some quality time with them. (I felt the need to clarify because she was acting like she didn’t understand)**
One of The Brothers says: **Oh so we’re not invited? Why are you dividing the family? (He meant his side of the family. Both sides only see each other at random birthdays)**
I replied with : **I would like to spend Thanksgiving with my sisters** **There is no need to make this a problem.**
**We will be spending Christmas and New Year’s together** .
Needless to say, They are all mad at me. They left the chat. I know that My husband understands where I am coming from but he is mad that they are mad and has to deal with this before the holidays.
Edit to say NAH. I don’t think asshole is the right word to use here, too extreme, but it is kind of wild that you think your text to them could be read as anything but an invite to have dinner with you and your sisters. Especially since you literally hosted last year. Apologize for the misunderstanding and move on. In the future, don’t text people about dinner plans if they aren’t invited to them…
INFO: Do you typically host Thanksgiving dinner for your in-laws at your house? Because if not, it would be a weird move to text them to say you’re hosting if they aren’t even invited. If I got a text from someone saying “I’m hosting Thanksgiving at home with my sisters”, I would assume that’s an invite to come eat turkey with your sisters.
Yes, I would assume the same thing.
No. We have been in this house for almost 3 years. I hosted my sisters the first year and hosted them the second year. This year will mark our third Thanksgiving.
I guess I could have worded it differently, I thought saying that I look forward to celebrating the other 2 holidays would help them understand what I was trying to say
ESH. Honestly, the wording of your text could easily be interpreted as an invitation. If you had simply texted that you would *not* be spending Thanksgiving with your husband’s family, none of this would have happened.
That being said their reaction was OOT.
The moment I read it, I thought she was inviting everyone!
NTA. I can see how the initial message you sent may have been confusing. I’d have probably worded it as “We will be spending Thanksgiving with my sisters this year” but then they went nuclear and are acting like children.
Holidays are not a summons. You’re free to skip out for any reason. They’re being ridiculous. Sorry your husband has to deal with this, but it’s his circus and his monkeys to handle.
NTA but your announcement to them does make it seem like they were also invited. Why the need for an official announcement? Just a wick message saying you won’t be attending this year would have been enough
ESH
When I originally read your text, I thought you were inviting them. Sounds like they thought that as well. And given the fact that you have hosted Thanksgiving in the past (last year?) with this side of the family, it’s very understandable that they read your text to mean you are hosting Thanksgiving, your sisters will be coming, and that they are welcome too. That’s really the most natural way to read a text like that, and it’s such an *extremely* passive aggressive way to try to suggest to people that they aren’t invited that I don’t blame them at all for not picking up on that the first go and genuinely needing the clarification.
There’s no need for them to be mad over this, but you really need to work on your communication. You should also stop acting like people are pretending not to understand you when your communication is so passive as to be genuinely confusing. When you text someone that you won’t be spending the holidays with them, that’s what you say. “We won’t be able to spend Thanksgiving with you this year, but we look forward to Christmas!”. Texting someone that you’re “hosting Thanksgiving” with the expectation that they will read between the lines and find the hidden “but not for you!” is just poor communication and will often be taken differently.