My American partner is moving to France, where I’m from. The immigration rules, just like most of French law, is not only available online in its original form, but also on another government website translated in laypeople’s terms. Between reading this extensively, my partner being American, being the child of an immigrant myself, and just growing up here, I’m confident in the path to take to getting them a residency permit. But as my partner is anxious about it, a friend of them ChatGPT’d a list of immigration lawyers they could try to get free information from, though they might not speak English. As they don’t speak French, my partner wants me to make those calls, but as I consider this to not be useful and to be trying to pry out information out of people who don’t work for free nor for cheap, I don’t want to. With that said, in situations where they wants to do things that require speaking French while I’m not interested or not available, which happened for other things in the past (there are situations where I’m available and happy to though), I offered to pay for someone from a cheap services subreddit to do it, which my partner rejected, saying that as a partner, it should always be me, and I should always say yes, which I disagree on. Am I the asshole ?
YTA. This person is taking a big risk immigrating to another country for you where they don’t even speak the language. If having online information confirmed by an actual immigration lawyer helps them feel more secure, you should be happy to help.
YTA. So this person is willing to *move to another country* for you and you can’t make a phone call for them? I hope they reevaluate before immigrating.
YTA, you aren’t an immigration specialist so everything else is just being useless:
If you don’t want to call fine but acting like it’s weird that they are wanting to speak to someone who actually knows what they are talking about is obnoxious
You don’t need to be an immigration specialist to understand the widely available and comprehensive information, in several languages, on family reunification. It’s not exactly rocket science. And if you don’t understand you can simply call the embassy or immigration office. I wouldn’t bring someone who doesn’t speak the language of the country and is so dependent on other people to my country.
ESH. If they are emigrating to France, they should definitely speak to (and pay!) a French immigration lawyer, not just rely on your research of the situation. However, if they are moving to France, they need to figure out how they are going to communicate with the locals. Lucky for them, most French people are bilingual. Also lucky for them, speaking face to face or on the phone are not the only ways to communicate, they can email these lawyers and use Google translate if needed.
I feel this lawyer situation highlights bigger issues the two of you are going to face when your partner moves that should be resolved sooner rather than later. You need to stop using your language skills as a means of gatekeeping information or access from your partner. At the same time, they need to form a plan for how they are going to navigate their new situation as an immigrant that is something other than “partner has to help me with everything related to French.”
YTA.
Your partner wants to move to your country and wants to make sure it is done legally and there are no surprises. You are not a lawyer. I’m glad you read the immigration websites. The US has them too. You would be an idiot to not check in with a US immigration lawyer before proceeding. If you have a straight forward case an immigration lawyer will tell you that (in France or the US, and many other countries) for a nominal fee. But they will also alert you to any potential problems that you may have. Immigration requires a lot of highly sensitive information. Of course you should be the one there helping your partner, not some cheap random. Frankly if my partner had you attitude I’d be seriously reconsidering moving to be with them.
I think this is a cultural difference. You don’t need a lawyer nearly as often in Europe than in the US. You wouldn’t typically get a lawyer in situations like this. Lawyers are incredibly expensive. Official information is very comprehensive and help from the immigration office is available.
YTA. They are moving countries for you and want to be sure they won’t be kicked out and send home. There are intricacies. Make the calls. And if you don’t want to make the calls – find a law firm that speaks English for your partner.
NTA. He’s moving to France but is unwilling to interact with French speakers? Oy. Anyway, he needs to get in the habit of saying, “Bonjour. Parlez-vous anglais?” The answer will usually be yes. He’s going to be needing that a lot. These phone calls are a good place to start. (And as other commenters point out, it’s very American of your partner to think everything’s better with lawyers involved, whereas you understand that it’s “not useful” in this case.)
YTA. Would you move to another country based off of the internet? See the lawyer.
NTA for a couple of reasons. First off, maybe I’m wrong but I don’t think cold-calling immigration lawyers in France for information on how to apply for residency is a thing. These are, as you say, well-paid professionals, not an information hotline. You want to be talking to the French embassy or consulate, I’d say.
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EDIT: I see a lot “Y T A, of course the two of you should see a lawyer” type comments. Let me be clear, I agree seeing a lawyer is a good idea. If the partner said, “I want to set up a zoom call with a lawyer in France to get our questions answered, will you help me with that because you speak the language?” I think that would be completely fair and reasonable. That’s not at all what he is asking for though.
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The bigger thing for me is, it sounds like this man has had a French partner for some time now, and also for at least a little while has been planning to move to that country. So I don’t think “he doesn’t speak French” should be a thing either, it’s well past time he started learning. Does he ever plan on attaining a basic level of competency, or are you supposed to be his permanent full-time translator?
The scenario here is that the immigration lawyers in France (who deal with…non-French people) don’t speak any language other than French? I think it’s far less likely that they’d be willing to give you free advice.
NTA This is not a situation which requires a lawyer. I would be most worried about the claim that as a partner it should always be you and you should always say yes.
NTA. All the Y-T-A votes are apparently Americans that think lawyers are the answer to life itself. I moved to Germany from a different non-EU country, went through multiple steps of getting different residence permits and never once felt the need to go to a lawyer. If you don’t have a criminal record, have a reason to be there (work, study, partner) and can read info online you are good to go.
As far as official visits go, if there is an interview part, you probably should join, but to just submit forms if no language skills are required for application, they can put on their adult pants and try to do it themselves. How will they live in a country if they can’t speak the language and are afraid to interact with the populace?